Blue Chip Fables

How to save the NHS 2.75 Billion Quid

2010-01-05T04:25:00.001-08:00

In 2009 the NHS spent £2.75 billion on dealing with alcohol related illnesses and accidents. All self inflicted and entirely avoidable. Funded at the expense of the more needy i.e. life prolonging drugs for cancer patients, children who are terminally and the elderly to name a few. So here is my answer. Make them pay. Setup a debt recovery firm for £30 million pound per year. That is how much it cost to recover the congestion charge in London. Upon admission a Doctor would decide whether or not the alcohol related incident was self inflicted. In theory medical staff do play the role of god as your life is in their hands so why not let them be judge and jury about your behaviour. Its the best form of medicine for people who think they can do what they want while rest of us have to pay for it. The NHS decision is final. The patient would then have to pay the cost of their treatment including the time and effort invested by the police. When throwing up or hitting someone in the face costs you 10 grand I suspect you will be less inclined to do it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQgOWsY04gw

Shariah UK News @ 10

2009-10-18T05:09:00.001-07:00

Islam 4 UK is a group of Islamists who advocate the introduction of Shariah Law in the UK. Islam 4 UK reckon that it in 85 years time Shariah Law will be used to govern the UK. Well I wonder what it will be like……

Religious police had the crap kicked out of them today when they attempted to turn off the supply of Guiness in Northern Ireland and Lager in Scotland. A massive car bomb was defused in Belfast. The Irish Republic Nationalist Royal Unionist Coalition claimed responsibility.

Burger King launched its re-branded outlets across the UK today. Shares in the chain rose sharply in the new chain Burkha King.

The Department for Infidel Assimilation launched a more user friendly range of Islamic dress for males today. Complaints have risen over the lack of a zip allowing the male population to release their privates for the purpose of having relieving themselves. The lead designer Mustapha Peepee claimed the new range had a ‘fly’ on the front.

The Department for Media has reportedly paid George Lucas 1 million pounds to Islamify Star Wars. At a sneak preview George Lucas unveiled Hijabba the Hut.

The Islamic Department of Health claimed that there was no such thing as Swine Flu but it was OK to get Avian Flu.

Perez Hilton was banned from travelling to the UK by the Immigration Authorities. The opposition party Infidel Nationalist UK party supported the decision.

UK shepherds came out in their 10000s today to protest at the decision to ban sheep shagging. The Islamic Court ruled that having sex with a sheep was not Halal.

Police today arrested 40 protesters outside the Houses of Parliament for inciting racial hatred. Notice boards saying, ‘Behead those who offend democracy’ were confiscated.

Now the sport in this evening’s game Liverpoolabaad beat Manchestehran Unitedstan by 3 goals. Alex Ferguson blamed his defenders for growing their beards too long and tripping over them too much.

FCUK Martyrdom have come under fire for discriminating against fat people. FCUK Martyrdom said,’we only supply suicide bomber belts to size 0 only.’

And finally, Sheik Simon Cowell has launched a new version of Islamic Britain’s Got Talent – Taliban Idol. If the participants don’t put on a good show the audience can stone to death the act on stage. Analysts predict Susan Boyle, Kerry Katona, Michael Buble and Peter Andre wont it make it past the first round. News Flash the Islamic Immigration Authorities have allowed Perez Hilton into the country to present Taliban Idol!

Middle England Meets Baloo in Banff

2009-10-05T11:36:00.000-07:00

Banff is a lovely Canadian village. It is on the tourist route and particularly popular with coach tours. I hate going abroad with my fellow Brits. The attitude is most definitely not one of when in Rome. If you are touring the States or Canada with a bunch of bourgeoisie Brits the attitude is colonial. It is even worse when touring Europe because all the cheap prices allow the most ignorant of British society to roam free across the channel. In Spain and Greece we export our drinking culture. While the NIMBY (not in my backyard) bourgeoisie of rural England take great pleasure in harking back to the 2nd war world war and the 60’s when Britain was great. Sorry guys it is gone. There are new enemies and they don’t make appointments on a battlefield with our forces so the officer class can have their afternoon Tiffin. Anyway, this whole story personifies the current attitude of the British bourgeoisie insecure, paranoid and always expecting somebody else to sort the problem out and why? Because I’m middle England and I pay my taxes.

So I’m on this coach on my way to Banff and I suddenly realise my worst nightmare has come true I’m now middle class. By the mere fact alone I can afford this jaunt my economic classification puts me with the middle-classes. Nobody burps loudly or uses foul language. Everyone is awfully polite while farting silently and looking innocent. The tour guide starts his speech as we pull up to Banff. There are the usual moans about not understanding him. So instead of asking him politely to repeat himself the cackling classes just moan about him not knowing the queens English. Before we get off the coach we are given a leaflet telling us what to do in the event we meet a bear. Apparently, in the event a bear comes after you what you have to do is put yourself into a foetal position. The bear may munch on your head or rip your arm off but under no circumstances should you move. In the foyer of the hotel there is an ever growing crescendo of moans from the Brits about the bear thing not being mentioned in the brochure. There is the usual mention of writing a complaint. However, all that noise comes to an abrupt end when the tour guide mentions the hotel is in fact a Motel and there is no restaurant. Shock horror we have to eat where the locals eat. The tour guide takes his life in his hands when he goes on to say that we are to meet at the coach at 7am and the only restaurant open for breakfast is a 10 min walk on the other side of town. Oh my good god a bunch of bourgeoisie have to get up early and walk to a place where we can have our shredded wheat to keep us regular.

The alarm clock goes off at 530am and I get dressed for my hike across town. It is still dark outside. I have this over-whelming urge to get dressed in a bear suit and knock everyone’s door then jump out and say, ‘I’m hear to eat you and paying your taxes wont save you’. In the motel foyer you can spot the Brits. They are the ones who wear shorts, rain-coat and dark coloured pulled up socks with sandals. It is cold and not raining. As I make my way towards town in the early morning twighlight I notice around 20 Brits from my coach party huddled behind a wall. I approach the group and when I get there they are scared shitless. One grabs my arm and pulls me down saying, ‘Get down you bloody fool he will see you’. Who the f**k is he? Michael Myers, Freddie Krugger, Hannabil Lector? I have a look over the wall and in the distance I can see the silhouette of a 7ft foot black bear. Someone in the group whispers, ‘What is it doing, is it coming this way?’ I reply, ‘I think so’. The guy legs it, two others put themselves into the foetal position whilst another suggests phoning 999. Errrr it is Canada.

I creep around the side of the wall to take another look. The bear is still standing there. One big hairy dude, a 7ft killing machine. Out of my backpack I search for my binoculars. As I look through the binoculars, I kid you not Baloo from Jungle Book is staring right back at me. Not a real one but a plastic 7ft model. His belly is a rubbish bin.

Man vs Bear http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f94WI-0chv4

Get a Snout out of the Trough

2009-10-02T10:01:00.000-07:00

Councillor David Parsons of Leicestershire Council is spending 42k of council tax payer cash to refurbish his office. You can stop this stoopidness and get the money invested into frontline services. Click the link below and complain. http://www.leics.gov.uk/index/help/contact_us/complain_comment/RenderForm/form_complain_comment.htm?F.Name=fvdigmngg30

Silos then Sadness

2009-09-30T14:37:00.000-07:00

Fiona Pilkington parked her car up then doused herself and her daughter in petrol. Fiona Pilkington had reached the depths of despair. In her mind the only way out was suicide. Her tormentors still live on Bardon Rd Barwell Leicestershire. Feel free to search the internet and get the address to take the matter up personally with the family who spawned such viciousness. You’ll find the father Mr Simmons making regular trips to the local Off Licence to feed his alcoholism, which numbs him to the point he is unable and unwilling to deal with his emotionally damaged offspring. On the other side of the equation was the failure on the part of the local authorities to intervene. As a result of the silo mindset Leicestershire Police and the Local Government bodies to this day continue to tolerate anti social behaviour. Zero tolerance costs too much. There ways of working both reinforces and encourages the silo mentality. Managers, officers, councillors and council staff alike who encourage the silo mentality cannot be held to account. There are no real consequences for following a set of rules that inadvertently leads to tragedy. The article outlines the current features of the community safety operating model within Leicestershire, which clearly proves the authorities are tolerating anti social behaviour.

(i) The Community Safety Industry

Local government in Leicestershire consists of the city council, the unitary county council and several district councils. Parish council’s do not have any capacity or capability to deal with anti social behaviour. In fact there are Parish Council’s in Leicestershire who turn a blind eye because they don’t want to create a negative perception of their rural area’s to keep the house prices high. Each council has a Community Safety team and there are minions who collect information for mapping on Geographical Information Systems. The process is called Thematic Mapping. However, data on anti –social behaviour comes from a variety of sources and there are gatekeepers controlling its release - the Information Management Industry

(ii) The Information Management Industry

These guys run around making sure it is legal and proper for the Local Council to share their information with every other public sector body. It is not in their interest to encourage information sharing because that would put 50% of them out of job. Before information can be shared all parties must agree a data sharing protocol. This process of negotiation takes months and months. However, they don’t have the resource so its payday for the management consultants. If you don’t believe me send in a Freedom of Information request to ask for the amount of money spent on advisory services around the domain of information management. Unfortunately, you will probably be asked to pay 600 quid by the Information Management lot.

(iii) The Telephone numbers

There are three numbers 999, 101 and 0116 222222 to report anti social behaviour. The scope of 101 is for the City only. So if you phone it and tell them you are from the district you’ll be told to go elsewhere. Its called ‘sign posting’. The 0116 2222222 is a beaut. Sometimes you’ll get no answer. Then there is the night-watchman. He is an old fellow who in the past had a tendency to forget to pass on the details from the call to the duty sergeant. The call recording system for the 0116 2222222 number is not the same as the highly sophisticated computer system used by 999 staff.

(iv) FCUK ASBO

Underage drinkers cannot afford a night on the town and the door staff can spot them. Underage drinkers love Friday & Saturday night in the rural areas because they know the police cannot resource an effective response. They know the police are tied down dealing with the consequences of the night time economy. If there is a gang of youths wrecking your car at the same time as chucking out time in the town centres the coppers are unlikely to respond. So you either sit and watch it through the curtains or go out on your own and risk being murdered like Gary Newlove. There is the baseball ball option i.e. call a load of mates to deal with the scumbags. When you ask most beat bobbles they tell you they’d quite happy for a vigilante mob to take the law into their own hands. The police know there is no deterrent.

(v) Grot Spots & My Illegal Tree

If you map anti –social behaviour incidents in a 10 mile radius you’ll find clusters of hotspots. If you then walk or take the bus to each hotspot you’ll travel through a transport corridor with a plethora of grot along the way. Grot is a term to describe:

§ Tagging;
§ Fly tipping;
§ Dog fouling;
§ Rubbish.

Ask the council to clean it and 9 times out 10 it is not their problem to either sort it out or make sure the landlords deal with it. A significant volume of calls to contact centres is about cleaning grot. The staff spend more time being trained in explaining why a council cannot do something instead of sorting it out. Grot spots encourage anti social behaviour and send a message that nobody is bothered. Local Government in Leicesterhire tolerates grot spots. I dare anyone to have a tree in the garden next to a bus stop. As soon as one leaf obscures the bus stop sign Leicestershire Highways department will send you letter telling you to cut your out of control tree or get fined. Tell the same department about grot spots and they are armed with several reasons why its not their problem. Again, try it out in your area by organising an EVA – Environmental Audit. A load of people from various organisations turn. Police, dog warden, highways etc. You point things out, show the relationship with anti social behaviour and I can guarantee the Highways lot are the most unresponsive. It is because they operate on a semi-commercial basis. So cleaning graffiti off the street furniture is a cost they cant recover. Oh I nearly forget if you want some graffiti cleaning quickly you need to write some homophobic or racist graffiti next to it.

(vi) Dispersal Orders

The council can approve a dispersal order to prevent youths gathering in known hotspots. The police don’t like dispersal orders because that means they’ve got to enforce them. The case against dispersal orders is normally taken by the touchee feelee human rights legal brigade who live in nice areas that don’t have anti-social behaviour.

(vii) Stings without a Sting

If you are caught selling alcohol to minors as part of a sting operation you will probably have to get caught several times before your licence is revoked.

(viii) Irresponsible Dog Owners

Try this test. Phone the 0116 2222222 number and say you’ve seen some yob with dangerous dog off a lead. Its presence alone intimidates children on the street. The copper on the end of line will give you a speech along the lines the dog owner has done nothing wrong. The police put the rights of an intimidating dog clearly being used as a status symbol by a yob above and beyond the rights of children to play in the street.

(ix) Blue Bags

A minor can carry booze and as long as it is in a bag they can walk past a community police or regular police offer knowing full well the copper won’t do anything. Unless the officer sees the youth drink it they cannot confiscate it. It is the reason why you see loads of blue plastic bags all over the place. Cheapo Off Licences use the cheapo blue bags.

(x) Soft Drinks that Are Hard Drinks

Our youthful drinkers love hard spirits mixed with soft drinks. The police know they’ve mixed it but for reasons no police officer has ever explained to me they don’t confiscate it. I’ve seen it with my own eyes.

(xi) Potty

When a gang of youths are stoned the probability of trouble reduces. When they are drunk the risk goes up. Peer pressure kicks in as inhibitions are reduced. If you mention to a policeman that you are OK with soft drug taking going on in your neighbourhood to anesthetise yobs the copper may warn you about your attitude to soft drugs.

(xii) The Void of Irresponsible Social Landlords(ISLs)

ISLs take forever to deal with tenants causing anti social behaviour. Why - because of voids. Voids are charges landlords have on their books for an empty property. Loadsa voids are bad when the auditors come in. The number of voids influences the level of funding to expand. Vacant properties in areas of deprivation become grot spots. So a troublesome tenant is better than no tenant.

(xiii) Out of Sight out of Mind

You may have noticed in your local parks seating areas that look like bus shelters. These are sheltered areas where youth gangs hang out. The police know that underage drinking goes on along with soft drug taking. However, they turn a blind eye because the youths are not bothering anyone in the park. The police are knowingly tolerating youths who break the law. These gangs wear all the latest designer gear, have the latest phones and MP3 players. Where are they getting the money from? What happens when they walk back home through the neighbourhoods? A trail of vandalism is the norm. The drugs and the lager gives you the munches so it is off to the fast food takeaways. In my neighbourhood you tend to wake up on Sat morning with food on your car, litter everywhere and pools of sick on the pavement.

(xvi) A Tale of Two Places

Got to the clock tower in Leicester city centre and open a can of lager. Within 10 minutes that can of lager will be confiscated. Go into the rural areas, openly walk up and down the street drinking lager while behaving like a prat. Nothing happens. Why is it not OK to drink in a town centre but ok in a residential area? The mind boggles.

(xv) Parents

I’ve saved the best for last. This goes out to the ‘My kid is not like that he or she is as good as gold.’ I say to those parents go and hang out at the bus stops and schools at chucking out time. It is not a minority.

§ Parents abusing the car parking rules;
§ Kids spitting and swearing;
§ Kids littering the place;
§ Kids using foul language;
§ Smoking pot.

No teachers to be seen or an authority figure challenging these behaviours.

I could go on and on and on with examples that clearly prove that the authorities in Leicestershire tolerate anti social behaviour.

Rest in peace Fiona Pilkington I hope you and your daughter have found a happier place to be together. You won’t be forgotten.

An Infidel's First Jihad

2009-09-28T12:53:00.000-07:00

The capitalist imperialist scum will pay for the exploitation of my family. The target is the Nottingham Indoor Arena. A packed venue for the Disney on Ice show. Last time we nearly got caught and had to abort the mission. The package is packed tightly around my mid rift. They've got highly trained security who search you on entry and CCTV that can see what you are doing in the dark. Once I'm sitting down in the crowd I'll release the package. I approach security. I'm sweating. The place is packed with families and their children. The security guard in a policeman like outfit grabs my bags and searches them. I ask 'Why?' He says in a helpful arrogant voice, 'Because he can'. If only he knew. They make you walk past the merchandising stores and sweet shops to get to the toilets and your seats. Plastic pointlessness for 15 pounds a pop. Kids pester their parents to buy everything. Lots of them cry. The sweets & drinks are overpriced by 150%. The fast food costs a fortune and its loaded with junk ingredients. There was me thinking Disney and the Nottingham Indoor Arena were family friendly. I cant wait to sit down and do the deed. As I make my way to the seats the camera's are on me and security guards are searching everyone. I sit down and lights go down low. Mickey skates out on to the ice. Here is my moment of glory to stick to them. I have got past all their security measures enforced as a result of anti terror legislation. My hand grabs the package. Out it pops. A bagful of goodies for my kids from the supermarket purchased at 70% cheaper than the prices in the Nottingham Indoor Arena. Popcorn, chocolate, crisps and fizzy drinks. Put that in your poop shoot you money grabbing rip off merchants with MBAs from pretend business schools. Nottingham Indoor Arena and the major cinema chains are using military techniques and technologies to stop and search parents smuggling in cheap refreshments. The reason why is they make loadsa profit on their over priced junk.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OL51XARW9Fw

For those that miss disaster capitalism

2009-09-21T12:52:00.000-07:00

Dear those who miss the good old days of disaster capitalism. Things are on the up. http://bluechipfables.blogspot.com/2009/09/wealth-creation-and-share-prices-on-up.html However, watch out King Kong is about... http://bluechipfables.blogspot.com/2009/09/my-mate-king-kong.html

Reasons Why I Will Never Join the Taleban

2009-09-17T12:59:00.000-07:00

(i) You Cant Eat Bacon

Bacon sandwiches are delicious. Especially after a heavy night on the booze.

(ii) Fashion Disaster

There is no way I'd pull a bit of skirt dressed in the traditional dress.

(iii) The 40 Virgins Thing

It takes real faith to remain celibate until you die in the hope you can shag for eternity.

(iv) I Have Smelly Feet

The taking the shoes off thing wont work. My feet smell.

(v) No Booze

No chance of giving that up.

(vi) Nobody Understands You

Given Islam's popularity it is the least understood religion. Too many interpretations of the Koran to understand.

(vii) The Looney Left Wanna Be Your Best Friend

The Socialist Worker Party want to be your best mate. They've tried for years to cause mayhem on our streets. The last lot they exploited where Afro Caribbeans in the early 80's. Once they've used you they will turn on you.

(viii) No Gambling

Sorry no can do. Winning the lottery is my only way out of the the UK loonfest. Islam4Uk can have the UK. Its full of whingers, greedy people and spongers. They will do anything not to change. Good luck with sorting out the white social underclass. Watch out for our football hooligans they loving nothing more than to beat anyone up for the slightest of reasons. Then there is the Unionist Paramilitaries who have made their peace with the IRA. I'm sure they'll have something to say about the imposition of Shariah law in Belfast. I'll be watching on the TV live other side of world when an one of you tries to turn off the supply of Guinness.

(ix) The Muslim Council of Britain

What a joke. They have worst leaders than both the Labour Party and Conservatives. No wonder the alienated Muslim youth don't listen to anyone other than their own conscience.

(x) To Unfit to Riot

All that running around and throwing things at the police. Looks like too much cardio.

(xi) Scottish & Welsh People

The Scotts & Welsh are well hard. They've been fighting the english for years. I cant see them
being very happy about Shariah. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1j31AnF1zs

Yvonne Hossack vs Wally Beancounter

2009-09-17T09:59:00.000-07:00

A 'Wally' is someone who lacks common sense. A 'Beancounter' is a negative term for an accountant who makes recommendations to the influencers and takes decisions without first understanding the true impact on the less fortunate in our society. The Wally Beancounters in this article work in local government. There are loads of them being paid lots of taxpayer money to screw things up. This is what would happen if a Wally Beancounter organised a package holiday to Spain. The scene is from Carry on Abroad and Wally Beancounter is played by Kenneth Williams. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBDwrZe8wnU.

In this article I've focused on the Wally Beancounter processes that contribute to something called 'Relocation Stress Syndrome' or 'Transfer Trauma'. These are conditions Elderly people with either mental and physical conditions experience when they are 'Lifted and Shifted'. Lift and shift is a term used in Adult Social Care departments to describe the least cost way of moving an Elderly person from their current local council provided care package to a cheaper one. The problem with Relocation Stress Syndrome is that it can kill. Yvonne Hossacks is a solicitor who represents clients to prevent Local Authorities from moving their Elderly relative in a way that could kill them.

Yvonne Hossack is not a commercial opportunist. Yvonne Hossack(http://www.hossackssolicitors.com/) is a counter-strike against the appalling way some Local Authorities make decisions that influence the quality of life of those without a voice. I’ve heard phrases used by council staff like ‘God’s waiting lounge’ & ‘The Grim Reapers Terminus for the Terminal’. Staff, accountants and managers who think like this are a protected species by their unions. Working in a role that requires you to care for the Elderly means exactly that. You have to care and you have to want to care. If you can do this then god bless you but if you cannot then a role in either the public sector or 3rd sector influencing the quality of an Elderly person’s life is not for you.

Imagine being an Elderly person with dementia living in residential care. I don’t want you to feel sorry for them or anything. I want you to imagine how you would want to live your life. Most people would want to come and go as they please. Eat what you like when you like. If you live in residential care these basic human rights depend on others helping you living as independently as possible. The level of help you get is dependent on the humanity of the staff and their ability to understand your condition. Imagine living in a world where a reflection of your face on a reflective surface is not a reflection it is a stranger in the room looking at you. In this world every step is a hazard. One slip, your hip is fractured and you are bed ridden. You maybe become frustrated or emotional over something but your mental condition results in behaviour that those around you are not used to or don’t understand. Now enter the world of Wally Beancounter.

(i) Wally Beancounter Rule 1: Cheap Labour = Efficiency

The Beatles said, ’Money can’t you love.’ So as a minimum 15k a year buys you a Direct Carer who will play a functional role.. There are 2 types of people who apply for a role cleaning someone’s arse and dribble.

-The radiant. A person who love to care about other people and help them;
-The drain. A person who cannot get another job.

Radiant’s love people and are deeply humane. Drain’s do the bear minimum to keep their job and resent the fact they’ve ended up doing what they are doing. When they get caught out they run off to the union playing the equality card or accuse those around them of harassment. Drains need loads of micro management. Managers spend more time with the Drains than with the Radiant. The Radiant tend to leave when they have to make up for the Drains.

(ii) Wally Beancounter Rule 2: Staffing Levels

Let’s start with the staffing levels. The Beancounters who live in Wally world see life through a spreadsheet if the numbers make sense then its OK. I have met accountants and efficiency experts from the major consultancy firms who believe there is an optimal staffing level for a staff rota in a residential care home. i.e. ratio of staff to residents They come up with this arbitrary number and say, ‘It meets national minimal care standards.’ When asked for the actual policy document from the Care Quality Commission they can never find it.

(iii) Wally Beancounter Rule 3: Good food for Elderly people is a luxury

The Beancounters who live in Wally world believe offering a varied menu of freshly cooked food to Elderly People in residential care is a luxury. The cost effective option is to bulk purchase pre-cooked frozen food and offer set menu’s. This is what a menu for an Elderly Person would like if a Wally Beancounter was ever put in charge of catering: ( assume pre-cooked and frozen)

Mon :

Soup of the day, sausage, chips and beans or peas followed by spotted dick and custard

Tuesday

Soup of the day, chips, sausage and peas or beans followed by spotted dick and custard

Wednesday

Currently the menu is in reprint because the political correctness police don’t like the words spotted dick. May offend someone and we will get sued. Refer to Tuesday’s menu.

Thursday

Soup of the day, beans, sausage and chips or peas followed by spotted Richard and custard

Friday

Soup of the day, peas, sausage and chips or beans followed by spotted Richard and custard

Saturday

Whatever is in the fridge. Spotted Richard, peas, beans, chips and sausages

Sunday

Roast. Soup of the day, chicken, chips, beans, peas and spotted Richard with custard.

(iv) Wally Beancounter Rule 4: Person Centredness is Too Costly

In Wally Beancounter world the cheapest way of moving an Elderly person from one service to a cheaper one is to do it quickly. That way we can sell the asset and make some money on the land. That is after all the costs to fund our bureaucracy are taken out. If the move hastens death as a result we can’t be blamed its the social workers fault. A social worker working within constraints imposed by a Wally Beancounter is a one legged man in an arse kicking contest. I’m not a social care expert but common sense would look like this:

The Elderly person carers and their relatives need to understand the process. The process should be person centred.

Person centred assessment requires a multi-disciplinary assessment team. Nurses, occupational health, social worker and mental health etc.

The assessment should explore what it is important to the Elderly person in their life.

The Elderly person should be given choice and should be allowed to slowly experience those choices before the move becomes permanent.

The process may take 16+ weeks.

The quicker you do this the less time there is to be person centred. If the choice is made for them on grounds of cost then there is a significant risk of relocation stress syndrome.

(v) Wally Beancounter Rule 5: Don’t Transfer Your Boss's Budget for The Greater Good

Any complex process involving the need of frain human beings that it is iterative over a long period of time is going to cost money. Local Authorities can afford to do this by not wasting millions on management consultants, pointless IT projects and the information management police. Its just that Wally Beancounters lack the confidence and will to transfer money across Directorates. They blame the rules but rules can be bent if you’ve got the courage. In Wally Beancounter world your status is dictated by the size of the budget you report on not what you do with it. Giving your budget away is blasphemy.

(vi) Wally Beancounter Rule 6: Never P**s out of the Tent

Never talk about the Wally Beancounter rulebook unless the person is another Wally Beancounter

(vii) Wally Beancounter Rule 7: The Bamboozle Principle

Make sure you are the only person that understands the reports from the finance system. More importantly, make sure you are the only person who can pull off the reports.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5aN0VmvFn4

The Return of the City Bonus Culture

2009-09-17T05:27:00.001-07:00

DAFT : Disunity Against Fascism & Totalitarism

2009-09-12T12:38:00.000-07:00

A piece on those whose actions and beliefs empower the shariaists, Jihadist, communists and Nazi right wingsters. They form the DAFT coalition. The only people suffering are the hard working classes of this country, which includes the moderate peace loving community of Islam. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9KpuffLcL4&feature=fvw

(i) The Police : Soft

Why are you letting groups of violent skinheads intent of violence go to where Asian people live? Why are you letting groups of violent Asian men rampage through the streets of Birmingham and Harrow?

(ii) The Media : Irresponsible

Why can't one of you explain to everyone that the Mosque in Harrow was funded by the community, followed planning regulations and was designed by Hindu! Why are you portraying EDL policy as a right wing and fascist? It is not fascist to be 100% against the slavery of women, murder of innocents in the name of Islam and the imposition of Shariah Law. Lots of people from many communities believe this. They are not right wing extremists.

(iii) Abdul Malik : The School of Neville Chamberlain

This is Abdul Malik, of Luton's Race Advisory Forum, refusing to condemn the protesters, but more importantly, "There are some extreme people and it is good for them to come out and express their feelings. This is the good thing about the democratic system. If they don't come out and express their feelings, they might go undercover and do some silly things that would probably cause more harm to everybody," Mr Malik said. "In a democratic system, however they are unacceptable, we must welcome their viewpoint and listen to it and give it attention."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HV0m7hqC7MA

(iv) Trevor Phillips : Wasting our Money Legitimising the BNP

Why are you wasting public money taking the BNP to court over their policy to discriminate? If the BNP policy falls within the race relations act it will provide them with a veneer of legitimacy. With groups like the BNP its best to let them think they can say what they want because the truth comes out. People will be less inclined to vote for them.

(v) United Against Fascism : The New Unelected Thought Police & Enemies of Individualsim

Where you find the UAF you'll find their members throwing stuff at the police. The UAF are very good at telling us who can protest and who cannot. They preach collectivism but practise totalitarianism. Whose funding them..... THe UAF and the Socalist Worker Party(SWP) are exploiting the muslim youth because the white working classes can see through them.

(vi) Muslim Council of Britain : Scared to confront the enemy within, wasting our money & Unelected

Where were the MCB when the troops marched in Luton and a minority of Islamic Extremists committed treason? These troops are fighting for the human rights or muslims who are being oppressed by other muslims. You talk about marginalising the more extreme in your ranks but where is the action on the ground. Sort your house out because you are receiving tax payers money to achieve community cohesion. The MCB failure to deradicalise its membership creates ignorance around Islam. The MCB do not even represent muslim youth are in the main alienated. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-ENN4FsCxw&feature=related

(v) John Denham

Err John why are you comparing a bunch of hooligans with Oswald Mosely and his movement in the 1930's. By doing this you are are over exaggerating the threat they pose and givin them street credibility. Moseley's lot were better dressed, highly organised, a much greater threat and by all accounts more violent. The thugs running through Harrow and Birmingham were nothing like Moseley' posse. The reality is that your department is tolerating the unacceptable side of Islam because a) your department is a bastion of political correctness and b) you dont actually know what to do about it.

MG Rover : I'm Alright Jack Sod You

2009-09-11T09:57:00.001-07:00

The following people from the unacceptable face of capitalism rewarded themselves £42 million pounds for while the workers whose welfare they were responsible for suffered. They have no integrity. Any chief executive who looks like David Brent is going to be naff at leadership.

John Towers
Peter Beale
John Edwards
Nick Stephenson

www.waste-of-money.com

2009-09-09T14:42:00.000-07:00

This website cost the tax payers of Birmingham 2.8 million quid. http://www.birmingham.gov.uk/ . Birmingham is currently looking to cut expenditure of services for Older People. In the last 6 weeks there have been 2 riots in the city centre due to poor community cohesion caused by a lack of social mobility. Workers from the collapsed company MG Rover a major employer in the area are still waiting for compensation. LDV employed significant number of local workers. I'm sure they will enjoy the website.

Did Government Cause the Credit Crunch?

2009-09-09T11:59:00.000-07:00

Some interesting thought provoking articles and thoughts on the role of government in the run up to the current financial crisis. Personally, I think it was caused by a load of greedy rich people lending money to people who could not pay it back. What the F**K is an exotic product?

"Did Small Government Cause Our Current Problems?" http://mises.org/story/3694

"A Dream House for the Masses" http://mises.org/story/3683

"The Fight for Capitalism Against Imposters" http://mises.org/story/3658

"Does Loose Monetary Policy Cause Economic Growth?" http://mises.org/story/3669

My Mate King Kong.....

2009-09-04T09:48:00.001-07:00

The BNP & the Picture of Dorian Gray

2009-08-24T09:17:00.000-07:00

900000 people in this country voted for the BNP in the last local elections. Lots of performance, no substance and a fear of the real picture. http wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Picture_of_Dorian_Gray
Picture the scene. I'm watching channel four news around 7ish throwing a rubber brick at the television because Fred Goodwin is trying to blame everyone else for the credit crunch instead of his peers gambling habit. There is a knock at the door and standing there is another type of person who blames others for all the problems. Its the local British National Party candidate. He has ruined my day so the urge to ruin his day become my primary motivation and sole goal in life for the next 30 mins. The guy makes some tempting promises that can only be delivered if I believe that those of non indigenous descent are to blame for all my pet hates. He wants me to vote for repatriation and putting white indigenous people first. As I give him my response to his promises his own Picture of Dorian Gray starts to manifest itself.

Promise Number 1 : More Doctors, Social Workers and Nurses

The NHS spends 40 billion+ a year dealing with people who lead toxic life-styles. Alcohol, smoking, drugs and obesity. I point out to the BNP guy that most of the people clogging up A&E 3 days a week are white people who cannot handle their drink. The people fixing them are in the main of ethnic descent. Social services deal with Elderly people dumped or neglected by their love ones. Mainly, white people do this and direct carers of ethnic descent comfort them. Direct care jobs are poorly paid and the white workshy prefer benefits because cleaning someones arse is beneath them.

Promise Number 2 : No more anti social behaviour

The dog shiton the streets in my neighbourhood is left by dogs owned by white people with Union Jack flag tatoos. I tell the BNP guy there are no ethnic minorities who can afford to live in the area. So its not their dogs crapping all over the place. The council pride themselves on multiculturalism and equality wont put ethnic people in the local social housing. The local youths who get pissed are white and middle class. Muslims don't drink. The litter and spit on the pavements is caused by white kids leaving and goingto school.

Promise Number 3 : Reduce Unemployment & Improve Education

The families with several generations of unemployed are in the main white. Their kids do crap at school while the non whites do well at the same schools. I ask him how is the BNP going to get the white British workshy doing socially useful work instead of living off handouts? I kid you not he runs off.

Watch some indigenous people with British Passports join the BNP http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1vJt92nxFC

Dawn of the Dead

2009-08-24T09:13:00.000-07:00

In the early 70's the youth of America and the UK created Woodstock to stick 2 fingers up to the way the world was being run. Today it is just as bad but there wont be another Woodstock because our youth cannot be bothered and market forces wont let them. There is a song that was played about the vietnam war. All I've done is changed the words Vietnam to Afghanistan. Since the 70's the song has only slighty change a ndthe state of the world is no different in terms of conflict. What has changed is the face and attitude of our youth. Punk was the last great 2 finger salute to the establishment. After that the music was about just dancing and getting drunk. Market forces and consumerism have turned our youth into selfish dis-respectful apathetic self obsessed zombies who crave celebrity above anything else. George A Romero's Dawn of the Dead 1972 finale says it all http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jlFPqwdzOak&feature=related. Gangs of teenagers hanging around our Shopping Centres and town centres doing nowt apart from cussing and playing top trumps with their gadgets. There will never be another Woodstock our youth are zombied out on consumerism. George A Romero saw it coming.

Well common all of you big strong men, uncle sam needs your help again,he got himself in a terrible jam, way down yander in Afghanistan,put down your books and pick up a gun, we're gunna have a whole lotta fun.

and its 1,2,3 what are we fightin for?don't ask me i don't give a dam, the next stop is Iran then Pakistan,and its 5,6,7 open up the pearly gates. Well there aint no time to wonder why...WHOPEE we're all gunna die.

now come on wall street don't be slow, why man this's war a-go-go,there's plenty good money to be made, supplyin' the army with the tools of the trade,just hope and pray that when they drop the bomb, they drop it on the Taliban.

now common generals lets move fast, your big chance is here at last.nite you go out and get those rag heads the only good Jihadi is one thats dead,you know that peace can only be won, when you blow em all to kingdom come.

and its 1,2,3 what are we fightin for?don't ask me i don't give a dam, the next stop is Somalia,and its 5,6,7 open up the pearly gates. Well there aint no time to wonder why...WHOPEE we're all gunna die.

(spoken)- listen people i dont know you expect to ever stop the war if you cant sing any better than that... theres about 300,000 of you f***kers out there.. i want you to start singing..

now common mothers throughout the land, pack your boys off to Afghanistan,common fathers don't hesitate, send your sons off before its too late, be the first one on your block, to have your boy come home in a box

Here is the original by Country Joe and the Fish http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwwEHJ0K_yw

Binge Drinking : My Town Centre Stinks of P**S and Sick

2009-08-24T09:11:00.000-07:00

Welcome to an article on the irrationality that has led to UK town centres become no go areas, greater opportunity for burglars, profit for the drinks industry and the rise of the community safety industry. All because of liberalism, protecting human rights and a basic lack of understanding around supply and demand. The UK spends billions on the NHS and police to deal with the consequences. Who experiences first hand the excess of Western Society? Hard working Muslim taxi drivers. Who is telling them to make more of an effort to integrate? The same lot whose liberal thinking and policies has led to anarchy in our town centres.

The tax payer spends 40 billion pounds a year on the NHS and police so they can deal with the consequences of the great British nigh out. Stabbings, people glassed, split heads from head-butting, broken ankles, concussion, preventing people from drowning in their own vomit and stranger rapes. Walk around your city centre on Sunday morning. The stench of urine and vomit is unmissable. Not to mention the ridiculous amount of litter. The splash damage permeates from our urban areas to the suburban. Anti-social behaviour fuelled by under-age drinking because they want to be like everyone else. So how did it get this bad? Here are the ingredients:

(i) 24hr drinking and relaxation of the licensing laws

In the early part of this century the law was made easier for anyone to obtain license to sell alcohol. Labour saw this as a major source of revenue to fund their ever growing spending on the public sector.

(ii) The number of bars increased

As a result the relaxation in the licensing laws the number of bars increased.

(iii) Supply outstripped demand

There is a maximum number of prospective drinkers who could afford the pub prices. So to compete and attract more drinkers price wars broke out. Encouraging everyone to binge.

(iv) The Brits Cant handle their Drink

Contrary to popular belief the Brits have no genetic qualities allowing them to drink more. However, they think so. In this country it is a badge of honour to be able to drink alcohol.

(v) Most of us are Miffed Off

Political correctness prevents us from say how we feel and expressing our frustrations. Offending people does not physically hurt the recipient but there are legal consequences. So we drink away our frustrations with the modern world.

(vi) The Supermarkets Joined In

Spotting the market for binge drinking the supermarkets offered cut price deals to get pre-loaded before going out. The main offender is Tesco's at 14 per unit.

(vii) What Happened to the Revenue?

Nothing. The tax from the night time economy funds the services that deal with the consequences.

Mobile medical wards;

Children's Units specialising in alcohol dependency;

The Community Safety Industry who collect information about anti-social behaviour but can't do anything about it.

(viii) Sharia Law is the answer!

The UK night time economy is a recruiting sergeant for Muslim extremism. Most of the taxi drivers are devout followers of peace loving version of Islam. However, on the sidelines are the likes of Anjem Choudary saying 'look how the infidels live'. Hey Anjem love your acting before you converted http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mz1FrEzdPw

(xi) The Rise of the BNP

In response to the state tolerating the intolerable version of violent Islam the BNP have a more sympathetic ear in our towns.

The Grievance Industry

2009-08-21T13:06:00.000-07:00

A grievance is the subject of a complaint filed by an employee to be resolved by procedures provided in the employee contract. Within the public sector an industry has grown to deal with a grievance. There are people who administer the grievance. There are people who make sure the grievance is administered correctly. There are people who scrutinise the people checking that the grievance is administered correctly. There are legal firms with a no win no fee approach who look after those making the grievance. There are legal firms who help make sure the organisation responsible for the grievance don't get hoodwinked by the legal firms looking after the person who made the grievance. There is only 1 group of people who pay for this the council tax payer. The mis-use of the public sector grievance costs the tax payer £000000s. A cause of a grievance can be traced to 1 of 4 sources:

Political correctness;
Health & Safety;
Crap management;
A belief that you are good at your job when you are not.

So here are 3 stories of grievances from local councils in the UK.

(i) The Bomb Squad

This council's canteen is segregated along racial lines. The council involved was given a 4* excellence rating by the CPA and preaches multi-culturism. In the last local election the BNP acquired a seat. At lunch time the Hindus sat together while the Muslims kept themselves to the themselves. The Hindus would watch the Muslim chaps go for a walk together around the council grounds. The strap line was 'there goes the bomb squad'. A senior manager who was white had a quiet word to politely ask the Hindu chap involved to refrain from commiting islamaphobia. He didn't listen so the manager complained and raised a grievance. In response the Hindu chap raised a grievance accusing the white British manager of discrimination because he let the Muslim chaps take a break for prayers and told him off for taking excessive cigarette breaks.

(ii) Hangover

IT project managers love their alcohol and normally keep a good supply of paracetamols for the day after. On this particular occasion the project manager involved did not have any. So he went around the office asking for pills. His manager a right jobsworth spotted a member of the team handing over a couple of pills. She said it was against health and safety policy as someone could go around the office to collect pills, take an overdose and the company could be liable for their demise. The rules were there to prevent IT project managers inadvertently committing suicide and to protect the council from the costs of challenging a subsquent litigation. The members of staff involved ignored the request to refrain from issuing 2 tablets and the senior office put in a grievance citing insubordination and their authority not being recognised.

(iii) Manual Handling

Manual handling is the term to used to describe techniques for picking stuff up and moving things around without causing yourself an injury. This council opened a new Community and Sports Centre and employed a maintenance man. The union insisted all staff attended a manual handling course. A couple of weeks before the centre opened the General Manager asked the maintenance man on his first day to walk around the centre and identify all the maintenance jobs that needed to be done. Some of these jobs involved moving a couple of fridges and installing a couple of dishwashers. No different from the type of equipment you find in any home. The maintenance operative put in a grievance on the grounds the General Manager asked him to do stuff that involved moving heavy stuff around.

I say send in Terry Tate Office Linebacker to end this stoopidness http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17jplpjCaec

Strategy Execution Consulting

2009-08-17T08:43:00.000-07:00

It's no big secret the public sector wastes a fortune on management consultants. As a result the 'steal your watch to tell you the time brigade' from the House of Lies come in for a hard time. If you look at it from their point of view they are invited in, they do their thing and tell the civil service powers that be their thoughts. Now imagine, you know you are talking common sense and could save the tax payer a significant amount of dosh only to find time and time again the civil servant managing you is in no position to make it happen. How are you going to feel?

Honesty is a new methodology that recognises your average employee in the public sector is basically a slave, one deck short of a full load and in it to purely boost their over-inflated protected pensions. So we at Truth Inc have developed a model to cut through the mire of garbage about putting the customer first, improving services for all and striving for corporate efficiencies. Instead we propose that you do the following to initiate the “Winds of Change”

· Ignore the customer, they are generally thick
· Impossible for service improvement if you still employ the same peasants
· You cant make a “Silk Purse” out of a “sows ear” efficiencies are pure fantasy

Accept the above and the “Winds of Change” are at your finger tips, lets face it we all know “water runs downhill” you just need to know the direction. Our consultants will load the bullet of change to speed your way to the promised land of public sector nirvana….

The Honest Approach

Honest is broad in scope encompassing the whole business Transformation Journey, as we take you from the inevitable piss poor performance levels you are currently delivering to a marginally better use of the taxpayers money by slashing and burning the people, services and processes you deploy. To explore Honesty in detail register free as a Honest member, just make sure you are not a local government employee as you will immediately be rejected on grounds of competence.

The Honesty Process

Honesty is the brainchild of a number of ex Management Consultants who have had enough of telling lies but love the profit. The new and improved Honesty cuts through the everyday local government bullshit and takes you on a journey of discovery that only the delusional would ignore. We urge all Local Government Chief Execs to ditch the lunacy of PRINCE2 and other priceless useless methodologies and get real with Honesty, the modern methodology for the more discerning card carrying local government Executive. Honest consultants come with years of experience, we know you lie, we know you don’t work hard, we know you are inept, we know you are grossly incompetent and we know you treat public money like a kid treats his sweetie allowance.

Honesty will take you on a vision led, benefits driven Transformation Journey using 8 Phases
Strategic Need – You sign a big fat fixed price contract for our unique insight on local government

Stage 1 – At Honesty we simply assume you are useless

Stage 2 – time to get the crayons and colours out

Stage 3 – countless interviews and design meetings with your people

Stage 4 – we ignore the above phase and do what we want

Stage 5 – we tinker with the odd process and call it “transformational”

Stage 6– we start to sack your people

Stage 7 – we hand over all service provision to outside private contractors

Stage 8 – Benefits realisation. At Honesty we don’t do this, its too hard and the Audit Commission wont spot the failure.

Stage 9 – You and most of your people will be on the dole

Checkout how management consultants are managed by their firms. http://www.despair.com/stories.html Got to go got an email from local governemnt Chief Executive. Something about Origami.......

Motorway Services, Crap Expensive Food, Snack Sex and a Bright Red Chocolate Starfish

2009-08-14T13:04:00.000-07:00

When you work in a private sector job that pays the minimum wage I can guarantee you'll experience the following:

Crap management;
Profiteering;
Boredom;
Coming up with ways to do as little as possible to get through the day.

The one sector you can see all this is action is the dreaded roadside eateries and motorway services. Last I heard the motorway services industry turned over 2 billion quid a year. When you are exploited, bored and treated like poo by middle management in these places you'll do one of 6 things:

Smack the manager in the gob and do a runner;
Day dream about ripping off the company;
Writing to the press to blow the lid on the poor hygiene and poor customer service;
Pretend to be ill to get the day off;
Focus your energy on chatting up the ladies;
Get in with the inner circle who have regular sex in the store rooms & smoke pot.

So I'm working in one of these places with a guy who has been there for years. I'll call him Fred to protect his identity. Fred does this job full time and he hates the company he works for with a passion. When you see him with the customers he is nice as pie but his hatred stemmed from the way he is treated like a robot and spoken to like a like slave by the management. A few of them were OK but most were people whose only source of importance were holding sway over people like me and Fred. Boy did they enjoy it. You'd be working on the other side of the restaurant and then by Chinese whispers you'd be summoned. Upon arrival they'd ask you to go and get them a cup of tea. Anyway, Fred had watched an episode of Only Fools & Horses that had got him thinking. The one where grandad throws himself down a pub cellar to get compensation. Fred wanted to do something similar to extract compensation from the company. Over the next couple of days the ideas flowed thick and fast.

Back pain as a result of slipping on the kitchen floor. Non starter because it happened everyday and the company lawyer had a response for every scenario. For some reason the legal eagles had perfected the art of always pinning liability on the employee who had the accident.
Hand in the deep fat fryer as a result of slipping on the floor. Non starter because it was really painful and Fred did not like pain.
Physical assault by the manager. Non starter because we enjoyed the punch ups with the manager in the car park. Also, everyone new the managers where soft and they'd never throw a punch.
Food poisoning. Non starter because we accepted it as an occupational hazard and any investigation by the authorities resulted in more work for us. Namely, painting over the mold and fungus in the food prep areas so they looked clean. The other reason was if you pretended to have the runs you'd get a day off on the sick or more sneaky cigarette time. For a couple of months I was seeing a girl in the fast food joint. You know the period of the relationship when all you do is have sex. One evening I pretended to have the runs, met her in the ambient store room and 15 mins later we were having a smoke.

The final idea was a beaut. There were these two massive filter coffee machines. You had to stand on a stool to put several bags of coffee in the filter bit. Then this overhead pipe filled it with hot water. Sometimes the hot water and used up coffee would splash on you like napalm and cause minor burns. Fred's plan was to simulate a major overspill that would go down his back and burn him. In return for 25% on the compensation my role was to splash hot scalding water on his back and set up the special effects. So the scene was set. We'd set the machine up to over spill, splash hot water on Fred's back then he'd leg it back to the coffee point to flail all over the place in pain. In the kitchen area he bent over the sink and lifted his shirt. I was behind him with a small jug of scalding water to splash on his back. Unfortunately, I got the wrist action wrong. Instead of fling and splash it was more of a twist and pour down the crack between his two bum cheeks. That was the last time Fred ever spoke to me. It was the last time I spoke to him because the story turned into an urban 'Brokeback Mountain' myth where I was caught in an uncompromising position with Fred in a storeroom by the manager on duty. Ouch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTUWVxOD1mM

MP Alan Duncan : Rich Twit With A Big Unhelpful Gob

2009-08-12T14:23:00.000-07:00

MP Alan Duncan Fat Cat Millionaire moaning about being poor and living on rations. Welcome to the real world you arrogant snob. What a twit. I hope David Cameron sacks him.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yQrNNPT-mAw

How to get Free Health-care in the USA?

2009-08-12T12:01:00.000-07:00

The only place you can get free health care in the USA is Guantanamo Bay. Nice waiting room. Would all the rich Neo conservatives with MBAs, private healthcare and their pointless jobs in investment banking that caused the credit just sit and listen http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynHGSmeTito

Janet's Idea : Shame the UK Government Is Not Listening

2009-08-09T13:08:00.000-07:00

Detailed below is a comment I found on the website of a local paper in the Midlands. The person who wrote is an everyday person. The kind from the silent majority of ordinary people who are not being listened to. The silent law abiding majority currently being let down be the corporate banking sector and the UK government. Janet's idea is called the Patriotic Retirement Plan. These are the kind of ideas that will get the UK out of the mess. Why are the politicians not thinking out of the box?

Here's Janet's suggestion for fixing Britain's economy.Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan. There are about 20 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them £1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1 They must retire. Twenty million job openings – unemployment fixed.
2 They must buy a new British car. Twenty million cars ordered – auto industry fixed.
3 They must either buy a house or pay off their mortgage – housing crisis fixed.
4 They must send their kids to school, college or university – crime rate fixed
5 Buy £50 of alcohol and/or tobacco a week – there's the Government's money back in duty/tax. It can't get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed, have MPs pay back their falsely-claimed expenses and second home allowances.

David Cameron aint better either http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRKhTQHrtdk

£50 Billion Quantitative Easing : Mr Creosote where's my dividend?

2009-08-06T07:38:00.000-07:00

Apparently, I'm a shareholder and have invested in corporate banking. Nobody asked me and I didn't apply for it. I've not been invited to a shareholder meeting to vote on anything. I don't know what the annual dividend or my forecast earnings per share looks like. In the meantime some people I know cannot get drugs to help them with their terminal illness because the NHS cannot afford it. Across the other side of the world in Afghanistan and Pakistan their are a load of young men who want to slit my children's throat and blow my wife to smithereens because their country has no money to provide the most basic standard of living and anything resembling a decent education. A load of children starved to death today. What did this Government do? Gave a bunch of arrogant incompetent rich people another £50 billion of our tax payer cash. Instead of going on a diet we are letting the gluttonous corporate banking machine gorge themselves on our cash. Check out the video to see the Square Milers celebrating securing £50 million of cash for doing sweet FA http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BlK62rjQWLk

Barclay Profits : So FSA Wont Let Me Be and It Feels So Empty Without Me

2009-08-05T11:32:00.000-07:00

Reading the bally hoo around Barclay's profits you'd think jesus had turned up at Canary Wharf. We all know the major corporate banks School of Enron Financial Reporting are reports that can both lie and tell a version of the truth at the same time. So I aint convinced. The future of this country cannot be dependent on making money from money. We need to be making stuff that is useful, environmentally friendly and that loadsa people want to buy. Anyway, I've attached a video showing stereotype Square Milers and investment bankers celebrating their return in the eye of a storm. Enimen mashed up with the theme tune from Only Fools & Horses. Groovy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLaX-Rbt3Os&feature=related.

Every Child Does Not Matter

2009-08-03T12:19:00.000-07:00

Prior to the credit crunch the estate agents reckoned 3 out of 4 house sales fell through following agreement on best and final offer. Reasons range from change in personal circumstances, lack of access to funding and deciding not to move at the last moment. One of the more interesting reasons is to get your kid into the local school. The scam works like this:

Put in an offer on a house in the post code area for the school of your choice;
Apply to the school;
Get the place;
Pull out of the deal.

Scam is probably a strong word because who could blame the perpetrator for trying to get their kid a decent education. In this particular story the plaintiff lived on an estate with known problems and would never be able to afford a house in the catchment area for the school she had set her sights on. Who could blame her? The ratio to class sizes between in the public and private sector is 28:14. Assuming that the 28 is well behaved and not suffering from any psychological or physical condition requiring significant teacher attention is unrealistic. Further degrading the teacher's capacity to educate instead of control behaviour. School facilities across the local area differ in the area of ICT, sports facilities, scientific equipment and art supplies. The closely you go to the inner city the worst the facilities become. Dame Suzi Leather's answer is to encourage the private sector to share their facilities with the public sector (working class hero...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suzi_Leather). The Learning Skills Council wastes 300 million on a college building scheme and spends 60 million because the administration of the Education Maintenance Allowance (EMA) policy is complex. Are these the best recommendations costly quangos can think of? Why don't we take all this money spent on the Charity Commission (http://www.hm-treasury.gov.uk/d/hc438_charity_18.pdf), failed construction schemes and costly adminstration schemes thne give 30% to social enterprises who enable social mobility and 70% to fund extra teachers. The tax payer spends a fortune on the public sector education system. Is their not enough public money but spent doing the wrong thing? I had a dream where for 1 whole term the DFES just let the primary schools do their own thing without any targets. Parents, children and teachers agreed the targets. Wonderful things happened.

What happens in the USA tends to happen over here. Shame of a Nation http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pB-niRGNms&feature=related

Investment Bankers : Emperors New Clothes

2009-07-31T12:31:00.000-07:00

One day, two Masters of the Universe went to the Emperor and promised him that they would sell him the greatest financial instrument ever. This derivative, they told him, was incomprehensible to anyone who was either stupid or unfit for his position. The Emperor could not understand the derivative, but pretended that he could for fear of appearing stupid; his financial advisors do the same. The Emperor then shows off the derivative to the market. The crowd in the market admires the complexity and depth of the financial instrument, until a small child cries out, “But it is worth nothing!”. www.mastersuniverse.net

Check out this brilliant website.

More Melons, 1.6 Million Tonnes of Wasted Food & Anti-social Behaviour

2009-07-29T13:44:00.000-07:00

Co-op are a pretty decent company. They make more of an effort than their competitors where ethical business is concerned. http://www.co-operative.coop/ethicsinaction/sustainabilityreport/Ethical-Consumerism-Report/. I guess the message behind this story is about however hard companies like Co-op try at being responsible they just don't understand their role in the havoc we are seeing in our neighbourhoods. The result is stoopidnesss that even the most of creative abstract thinking satirist could never think up. I spotted the last melon. It just stood out in the fruit section hypnotised me and convinced me to stick it in the trolley. Got to the till and noticed there was a queue behind me. Disaster strikes. Apparently, the cashier cannot sell me the melon because there is no label on it. Something to do with EU law. I politely suggest searching for the code on till representing a melon. The code is a key to price information about the melon. These codes are either programmed locally into the till or downloaded from some computer hosted in a datacentre in the middle of nowhere. I offer 3 quid for the melon as some underage hoodies trying to buy booze start to get agitated. Now I'm screwed as the cashier has to call the manager using the ringer. Store managers are normally out back doing managerial stuff where you need them most. The 'outback' is usually outside the audible range of the ringer. The kind which is a black rectangular box with a white button and a single battery. While waiting I enquire about what will happen to the Melon if I cannot have it. The answer astounds me. It cannot go back on the shelf and will have to be thrown away. Retailers generate 1.6 million tonnes of food waste each year. Have they not heard of industrial ecology where one organisations waste is another's raw materials. Are the supermarkets aware of inter-generational equity i.e. leaving the planet in a reasonable state for the next generation? 1.6 million tonnes of food is enough to prevent a lot of children in the world suffering from malutrion and starvation. Now the hoodies are saying, 'Hurry up geezer'. I tell her to serve the Hoodies while the manager makes his from the 'outback'. Clearly, the Hoodies are under-age and very intimidating. The cashier does not ask for proof that they are over 21. I give up on the melon. Later that evening the Hoodies are hanging outside my house screaming obscenities and being sick. I call the non emergency number to ask the police to move them on. As its Friday night all the police in the city centre policing the night time economy. Pub prices are too high so everyone goes to the supermarket for cheap booze to get tanked up for the early evening. You know stuff like White Lightening brewed by Scottish Courage. A 3 litre bottle contains 22.5 units of alcohol (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=white+lightning). Next day I go to the papershop for the morning paper. NHS in the headlines again about the post code lottery for new types of drug treatments to offer hope. The cost to the NHS for dealing with the consequences of binge drinking is 40 billion a year. My car mirror has been snapped off and there are cans of Fosters and fast food wrappers on the pavements. There is also vomit on my back window tinged with the odour of piss in the air. The police never got my call when I called the contact centre using the non emergency number(SNEN). It was written down on a dispatch note on paper that never found its way to the person in the contact centre co-ordinating things with the police. Think the management consultants call this swivel chair integration. Allegedly, the investment in e-government and joined up working was meant to get rid of swivel chair integration. After all the local authority and police spent 100000s of tax payer cash on 800 quid a day CRM and information mangement consultants. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w41WcTCUY_Y

Henry Mintzberg : Managers Not MBAs & the Credit Crunch

2009-07-28T03:39:00.001-07:00

In the early part of this century Henry Mintzberg a leading management thinker became very concerned about those who lapped up his every thought. The MBAers. A MBA is a Masters degree in Business Administration seen as the defacto qualification to elevate you up the corporate greasy pole. Where you study your MBA determines the kind of corporate doors you can unlock. The golden ticket is a Harvard MBA. A Harvard MBA will guarantee you a place in the upper echelons of power whether it be government, industry, investment banking or management consultancy. Prior to the credit crunch Mintzberg spoke about MBA courses of study instilling a sense of hubris in those destined for a career in the investment banking sector. Mintzberg argues compellingly that this has had a corrupting and dehumanizing effect not just on the practice of management, but also on our business, non-profit and community organizations, and even our social and cultural institutions. I just wonder how many of those bankers and consultants whose ways of working led to the credit crunch had MBAs. We will probably never know. What is evident is their management training may have led them to act in a way that has probably limited the life chances of those at the bottom of the social mobility ladder. Did Henry Mintzberg spot something worrying in the behaviour, conditioning and beliefs held by the next generation of managers that led to the credit crunch? All you MBA alumni judge for yourself and all you wannabee MBAers reflect. http://mitworld.mit.edu/video/302/

Melons

2009-07-28T03:38:00.001-07:00

I love melons. No, not the kind in magazines Mary Whitehouse hates. Healthy juicy Honeydew, Galia and Water melons. You can do loads with a Melon. 5 years ago I was invited to a penthouse in Canary Wharf to a houseparty. It was full of high powered thinkers who worked in the Square Mile. You know the ones who now have jobs as a result of being bailed out with tax payers cash. The host had soaked a load of Water Melons with vodka. The illuminating thing about the night was watching the Square Milers gorge themselves on vodka soaked water melon. Water melon is not something you should gorge on as it drips everywhere. Over dosing on something soaked in vodka is generally not a good idea. The thing about pre-credit crunch Square Milers is they get increasingly cynical about those less fortunate than themselves as they get drunker. Square Milers who gorge on melons, get pissed on vodka and slag off the rest of us need some of this! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7FpZJUw6RYQ

Audit Commission : In denial?

2009-07-28T03:32:00.001-07:00

Below is a link detailing an illuminating debate between Seddon and Walker from Audit Commission. The most surprising aspect of the debate is that most of the people commentating in general agreement with Seddon look like they are from the public sector. The Audit Commission is a classic example of command and control thinking. Why is the Audit Commission not listening? Why do central government, quangos and local government leadership refuse to listen to the front-line? Read the article and judge for yourself.

http://www.lgcplus.com/finance-and-partnership/walker-v-seddon-the-debate-goes-on/5004313.article

Loopy Lou Citizen Centric CRM & Refuse Collection

2009-07-27T11:31:00.000-07:00

Local Government has been pretty sharp on the uptake of customer relationship management. The single one stop shop is common place. This particular story illuminates one particular local authority's approach to encouraging is council tax payers to use the contact centre. One of the biggest sources of call volume is what is know in the trade as street scene. A main cause of call volume are the antics and working practises of the waste management department:

'My bin was not emptied'.
'They've left the bin in the middle of the road and I cant put it back'.
'They wont empty my bin because the lid was not closed properly'.

Instead of getting the bin men to change the way they work and be a bit more flexible the answer is more investment in call centres to explain why bin men wont do what they used to do. So what was the initial experience of users when they called the call centre?

The council had not communicated to its tax payers the number to call if they had queries about bin collections etc. As a result callers did what they have always done either phoned the old number or contacted the waste management department direct. The person answering the phone could answer their question but a policy decision was made to instruct the caller to use the contact centre. Just to be sure the council changed the employee's contract to discourage them from answering a question they could answer from a tax payer.

Step 1 Upon calling the contact centre the caller had to explain for a second time their requirements or concerns.

Step 2 The call centre assistant raised a case that was to be work-flowed to the waste management department. Unfortunately, the spanking new CRM system did not talk the waste management computer system. So the waste management department employed someone to manually allocate the calls and keep the CRM system up to date. The result was that some cases got lost.

Step 3 Callers with cases that got lost phoned back to chase. Some had forgotten the 10 digit modulus 11 quadratic reference number they were given. So the call centre assistant promised to look into it then phone back.

Step 4 In frustration callers contacted the waste management department direct. Goto Step 1.

Our bin men do a vital and important job, which has more social purpose than working in a call centre divorced from reality. Bin men should be paid more instead of using the money to staff call centres who just apologise for poor service and record information. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSbz5SgES-4&feature=fvw

The Rise of Fascism & the Bloated Quangos

2009-07-26T08:51:00.000-07:00

In the last local elections 900000 people in the UK voted for the BNP and their are sections of the UK muslim community sympathetic to the cause of Al Qaeda. The BNP & the likes of Fascist zealots Anjim Choudry & Abu Izzadeen (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTZJh-SYRSg, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uv704B93EZU&feature=related) present the biggest threat to community relations than any other politcal or idealogical movement. Why did 900000 people vote for the BNP and why do sections of the UK muslim community sympathise with Al Qeada? Because they make promises they are unable to deliver upon.

The UK government is soft on crime the BNP will be hard on criminals. How?
Immigrants are taking all the jobs. The BNP will repatriate all the immigrants and give those jobs to the 2.7 million unemployed. Assuming the 2.7 million want to do those difficult and very important jobs that immigrants seem more able and willing to do.
The BNP will make us more secure by bringing home the troops. Why does bringing home the troops make us more secure? Surely, putting in place health, education and economic opportunities for women and the poor is betting than letting Sharia law and Jihadists flourish.
A sharia state can be established in the UK. How? Do the likes of Anjim and Izzadeen not know that just like the mujahadeen in Afghanistan the British people have always challenged, fought and beat fascist oppressors.

So as the tax payer we invest in the Commission for Racial Equality and Commission for Human Rights to try and marginalise the extremists. Their response to the rise of fascism is to protect their own self interest. Trevor Philips and Nicola Brewer must do more to challenge the BNP, discourage sharia law and champion rights for the victims of crime instead of wasting their time making videos on youtube to show off their offices. Being to soft on criminals, tolerating public sector inefficiency, encouraging +ve discrimination and just monitoring anti social behaviour in our local communities is fuelling a move towards nihilism whether the kind advocated by the BNP, gang culture or Al Qaeda. The quangos headed by Trevor Philips and Nicola Brewer are not doing enough with the money we have given them to stop the rise of Fascism and inequality. The Fascists will be laughing their heads off at our response to their plans to cause chaos. Trevor looks so bored talking about his sofa and Nicola thinks she is running a corporate business.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qTWgvofoA4&feature=channel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A6xxNO5EtWk&feature=channel

Liberata : Top of the BPO Flops

2009-07-26T08:16:00.000-07:00

They quote 'Liberata is one of the UK’s leading providers of outsourced business processes. With over 2,500 employees across more than 20 UK locations, Liberata improves, streamlines and simplifies complex operational processes, with a strong commitment to delivering ‘Value for Money’ to its clients and to making a contribution to the communities within which it works.' All sounds perfectly reasonable and common sense....

(1) Learning Skills Council - Education Maintenance Allowance

Computer problems delayed payments to 150000 students. The grant is their to help those less economically well off than their overpaid consultants and executives funded by the tax payer. The Learning Skills Council is one of the biggest quangos in the UK funded by the tax payer and what did they do to penalise Liberata? Nothing. Not even a fine.

(2) Life and Pensions

The Financial Services Authority fined Liberata £525,000 - more than 10% of the company's profit in the last financial year - after failures in its systems and controls meant policyholders did not receive documentation on their investments. The FSA are another quango funded by the tax payer. The FSA fines outsourcers if they do not maintain effective systems and controls to mitigate the risk of fraud. Did the FSA give us back the 525k? No. Why are the FSA not applying the same stringent monitoring in the Square Mile that has left teh public sector out of pocket for the next 15 years?

(3) Southwark

http://www.southwarklabour.co.uk/labour_call_for_urgent_review_of_tax_collection_contract

Southwark Labour’s resources spokesman, Cllr Richard Livingstone said:

“Liberata have underperformed in Southwark for years. Their pathetic legacy has cost the council hundreds of thousands of pounds in uncollected council tax, which could have been used to keep the price of meals on wheels down for Southwark’s vulnerable residents or the Livesey Children’s Museum open. At the beginning of the year we argued that it was time for the Lib Dem/Tory coalition to sack Liberata but our calls were ignored.

“Since April the contractor’s performance hasn’t improved in Southwark and their current financial troubles, which has been caused by their own incompetence nationally, means that is highly unlikely that they will be able to improve. My worry is that faced with a massive blackhole in their finances they’ll strip back spending on staff and other resources, and that council tax collection rates in Southwark will fall through the floor as a result.

“The Lib Dem/Tory coalition needs to look at ways of bringing council tax collection back in-house. The situation that’s existed for the past few years, where the council has paid out millions of pounds to a private company which hasn’t done its job, is ridiculous. Croydon Council, which took its council tax collection service back in-house from Liberata in 2004, has steadily improved its collection rates and has just had its best year’s performance. We believe that Southwark can do the same.”

Given the above what does a key central government the department Culture, Media and Sprt go and do... http://www.liberata.com/general.php?id_gen=66&id_news=54

Local Government Busy Doing Nothing & Costing 600 Million a Year

2009-07-02T13:14:00.000-07:00

There are 1000s of people in this video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISKNMCaA5GQ) who work in local government but dont actually do anything that a tax payer would recognise as a value added service. People like this tend to be paid a lot more than the front-line workers doing the real work that leads to social improvement. Those in non jobs have lots of time on their hands so they have to come up with things to do. There mere presence creates cynicism about local government http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkxVegST9tA. Non jobbers waste our time and make life tedious http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SEtzYRecEQ&feature=related. Non Jobbers come up with complicated words you find in local government reports then launch a website telling everyone not to use them www.lga.gov.uk/lga/core/page.do?pageId=1716341. Those in non jobs have to have personal assistants because they are really busy. When you do want to see them to talk about something important you cant get in their diary because they are always really busy. Probably at meetings talking about why the average days sickness taken by a front line worker in social care is greater than 15 days per year. They cant figure it out so lets get a load of management consultants in to tell us what to do. The bloody reason why social workers and teachers go on the sick alot is because of under resourcing and filling out all the forms designed by people with non jobs in the public sector.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgy40jpuTMM

BT : Calls Maybe Recorded For Training Purposes

2009-07-02T12:39:00.000-07:00

It never fails to amaze me how people come up with simple ways to rip each other off. The most simple of cons tend to use services and facilities offered by large companies. In particular telecom firms. These firms have really cool tools to block numbers and pin point where you are using satelites. Yet can they spot if there service is being used in a con? Not if being unwittingly complicit makes them a bit of profit. British Telecom are the worst. They let people create high premium telephone numbers that nobody is going to deliberately phone these numbers unless hoodwinked in some way. There are people out there who require self service 'light relief' on the promise of some sexy voice saying saucy things down the phone. However, £1.50 a minute to hear a women going on about pulling carrots out of the ground aint cricket. BT don't give a poop because they are making money from the silliness. Look what BT say about themselves yet make money by encouraging people to masturbate on the phone.

"We want to be known as a responsible business that is making a difference to some of the global challenges society faces. We want to be known as an innovative business that is developing solutions that benefit society while supporting long-term growth, creating competitive advantage and building successful relationships with our stakeholders. "

BT are voyeurs, dont give a stuff about you privacy, rights, data protection, liars, spies and dont understand simple questions.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgZjeckpUXY

How To Rob A Bank Without A Gun

2009-06-19T03:56:00.000-07:00

Socially, it is unacceptable in the upper echelons of class (middle class upwards) to place bets in a betting shop. This lot have also exploited the working classes for years. So they've taken jobs in the finance sector and disguised their gambling habits with SOX, exotic products, and all kinds of really complicated words implying things are controlled. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXBcmqwTV9s&feature=related.

They've then used our money without asking us to lend to people who cannot afford to pay it back. So governments around the world have part nationalised the banks with vast amounts that could have fed every starving child across the world for decades. Guess whose still running the part nationalised banks the same people who made money from systems encouraging lending to people who couldn't pay it back.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQdNLFVdwfQ

NHS : Less Free at the Point of Need

2009-06-19T03:11:00.000-07:00

Central government is actively encouraging all public sector bodies to operate joined up services. As a result you will see various public sector departments and quangos sharing the use of each other's services, staff and property. Nothing wrong with that. The problem is each partner thinks 'corporately' and sees the other as a supplier or customer. So what happens is they develop contracts outlining legally binding rules. Private sector lawyers and bureaucrats do well from the arrangement as it keeps them busy and profitable at your expense. Money that could be of more benefit to those delivering front-line services. Local government working with the NHS is a classic example:

You pay council tax to the local council.
You pay income tax, national insurance and VAT. A portion goes to the NHS and local government.
Local government agrees to offer the NHS use of council facilities.
The NHS wants to do lots of things that local government dont agree with and vice versa.
Local government also thinks they are poor and the NHS rich so they attempt to charge private sector rates for service charges. Which the NHS pay to local government using money you have paid the NHS.
Both the NHS and local government employ there own auditors, commercial managers and accountants to check everything. Both use similar systems to manage, control and account for the flow of money. Both the NHS and local government tend not to have the in-house expertise to implement these systems so they both employ the same management consultants to help who normally charge 900 pounds per day.
Local government pays for a load of legal advice to protect their interest whilst the NHS pays for their own legal advice to protect their interest.
If either party breaks the rules in the contract either party is entitled to a cash sum in the form of a penalty. (the cash is your money and comes from the same overall pot).
In the event either party cant pay or wont pay the NHS can take local government to court and vice versa. Each party would then engage legal advisers. Basically, they are attempting to seek compensation (your money) by pay legal advisers using your money.

The whole thing is so complicated only the accountants, auditors and lawyers who are the main beneficiaries understand how it all works. In the mean-time there are not enough dentists, superbugs flourish and patients suffer. Yearly, the NHS is becoming less free at the point of need due to bureaucrats who think they are commercially savy business people. The commercialisation of joined up working between our public services diverts funds away from services that everyone needs. We will end up with an American style health service. Guantanamo Bay is the only place on USA soil where an American can get free health care.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0LePgSxmI3U&feature=related

The Off Shore IT Service Desk & the 8 Golden Rules

2009-06-11T14:30:00.000-07:00

All the major business process outsourcers use off shore IT help desks. These guys are pitching this stuff to the public and private sector. ITIL is the methodology of choice for supporting IT. I think it’s pretty good when you read about it on paper. On paper if you are having problems with your PC you phone up, someone takes your details and then magically someone appears to fix your problem so you can get on with your life. Like all things to good to be true and all that… Firstly, most of the remote helpdesks use voice over IP telephony so the line tends to be crap and the guy at the end trying to help you cannot hear you. Secondly, the foreign guy only understands text book English. You know the version of the English language they speak on those teach yourself another language CDs you can get from the pound shops. Lastly, the guy at the end of the phone is not normally the guy that can fix something complex. So he has to call 1 of many resolution teams who may work for differing companies. The thing about IT is that it is complex and each resolution team only specialises in 1 bit of stuff that makes up your computer. Here are the rules of engagement when you are in a resolution team. Rule number 1 it is not profitable for a resolution team to work on support. The technical resource would be better utilised on a new commercial project. Rule number 2 a resolution group does not get involved in another resolution group’s turf because if you do you become responsible for supporting a piece of the puzzle you are not skilled or funded to do so. Rule number 3 always blame a problem on another resolution team so you don’t have to fix it. Rule number 4 always follow a script when fixing something coz if it is not in the script you can charge for it. Rule number 5 the problem always exists between the chair and keyboard. Rule number 6 get the customer to do the investigation by interrogating complex system tools in the hope the customer accidentally fixes the problem. Rule number 7 always charge the customer for the call so keep them hanging on and calling back. I knew a guy who had a problem with logging onto to email across the web. He knew exactly what the problem was. So he called the helpdesk and told Roger (real name Subrihiman Maraeeshee – asking an Asian guy to change their name because of their job is actually racist in this country not to mention downright dis-respectful) who to call and what needed to be done. He clearly stated that the resolution team should call him by phone because his email was down. He specifically asked for this request to be recorded on the call coz he knew he was dealing with automatons. 1 day passed nobody phoned him. 2 days later still no call. He phoned the helpdesk to ask Roger to contact the resolution team. On the call record the resolution team stated have emailed customer and left a contact telephone number. Oh I forgot rule number 8 a resolution team never takes a direct call from the customer. The customer must always use the help desk because it makes it easier to enforce rules 1-7.

Problem exists between chair and keyboard...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNPzgPhHeWQ&feature=related&pos=2

£550 Million

2009-06-11T14:19:00.000-07:00

550 Million

Just think about the difference you could make with 550 million pounds of tax payers cash. So if I were to tell you that you paid 550 million for 3 poor implementations of IT systems for little return on your investment would you be that surprised. The two organisations were EDS and Accenture. If their lawyers are reading this you can’t sue me for libel because all the info in this article is taken from reports available under the Freedom of Information Act.

House of Commons Environment, Food and Rural
Affairs Committee The Rural Payments Agency and the implementation of the
Single Payment Scheme Third Report of Session 2006–07 Volume I

‘57. Accenture had received payments of a total of £42.7m from the RPA by the end of the 2005–06 Financial Year: £14.1 m in 2003–04, £10.2 m in 2004–05, and £18.4 m in 2005– 06.’

The irrationality of Accenture is such that given their performance they still want to do business with a customer they clearly had difficulty with in terms of managing expectations. The cynic in me thinks that firms like Accenture see the public sector as an easy touch and taking the hit on the reputation front is worth the return.

‘61. Accenture witnesses appeared to have been well schooled in not venturing comment on matters which they deemed were beyond their contractual observations. This attitude denied the Committee an important perspective on the way the SPS project was being run from the standpoint of a company at the heart of the venture. We regard this as an unacceptable attitude from a company of international repute and which may still aspire to work with UK government in other areas.’

Did you know that Accenture preaches Corporate Responsibility at a global level? They participate in the United Nations Global Compact, World Economic Forum and The Global Health Initiative. Why don’t they practise what they preach and give the money back they charged for their work with the Rural Payments Agency? Click http://www.accenture.com/Global/About_Accenture/Company_Overview/Corporate_Citizenship/Fostering_High_Performance/default.htm

By Accenture’s own admission - ‘Accenture continues to earn recognition for its efforts. For example, Accenture was named to Corporate Responsibility Officer's 100 Best Corporate Citizens for 2009. Accenture also has been included in the Dow Jones Sustainability North America Index for four years (2005-08) and received a 100 out of 100, a perfect score, on the Human Rights Campaign's Corporate Equality Index in 2007 and 2008. Read more about Accenture’s awards and recognition.’

100/100 on the Human Rights Campaign’s Corporate Equality Index is beyond belief. One of Accenture’s clients is Shell. Do Accenture care about who they do business with given the relationship between human rights and oil in Nigeria? http://www.hrw.org/legacy/reports/1999/nigeria/index.htm Shell recently settled out of court over unproven allegations that it was complicit in the execution of a well-known Nigerian environmental activist and author Ken Saro-Wiwa. Shell paid out 9.7 million quid. Click
http://business.timesonline.co.uk/tol/business/industry_sectors/natural_resources/article6363058.ece

EDS were behind the failed system development for the Child Support Agency (http://news.zdnet.co.uk/leader/0,1000002982,39175379,00.htm). It cost us 450 million quid.
EDS has a poor history of engagements with the UK government. Yet the British Government never learned the lesson and awarded them the contract to develop the National Offender Management System(NOMS). Guess what it went pear shaped. http://www.nao.org.uk/publications/0809/national_offender_management.aspx
In November 2001, a £300 million PFI (Private Finance Initiative) project to supply the UK's Ministry of Defence with a payroll system encountered serious problems which threatened to stop the pay of over 30,000 personnel. EDS could not deliver the system and was allegedly rescued by a government bailout.[13]
In December 2003, EDS lost a 10-year £3 billion contract to run the UK Inland Revenue IT services after a series of serious delays in the payment of tax credits, the contract instead being awarded to the company Cap Gemini. EDS had operated systems for the Inland Revenue since 1994 but the performance of its system had been low, causing late arrival of tax credit payments for hundreds of thousands of people.[14][15]
In 2004, EDS was criticised by the UK's National Audit Office for its work on IT systems for the UK's CSA (Child Support Agency) which ran seriously over budget causing problems which led to the resignation of the CSA's head, Doug Smith on 2004-11-27. The system's rollout had been two years late and following its introduction in March 2003 the CSA was obliged to write off £1 billion in claims, while £750 million in child support payments from absent parents remained uncollected. An internal EDS memo was leaked that admitted that the CSA's system was "badly designed, badly tested and badly implemented". UK MPs described it as an "appalling waste of public money" and called for it to be scrapped.[16]
In 2006, EDS' Joint Personnel Administration (JPA) system for the RAF led to thousands of personnel not receiving correct pay due to "processing errors". EDS and MoD staff were reported to have "no definitive explanations for the errors".[17][18]
In September 2007 EDS paid $500,000 to settle an action by the US Securities and Exchange Commission regarding charges related to overstatement of its contract revenues in 2001–2003. At the time these caused a fall in share prices in 2002 which led to legal action against EDS from US shareholder groups.[19][20]
On 2007-10-16, British TV company BSkyB claimed £709m compensation from EDS, claiming that EDS' failure to meet its agreed service standards resulted not just from incompetence, but from fraud and deceit in the way it pitched for the contract.[20]
On 2008-02-04, Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs is still waiting for compensation from EDS after settlement on failed delivery of IT services.[21]
On 2008-10-10 it was reported that a Ministry of Defence hard drive potentially containing the details of 100,000 Armed Forces personnel could not be located by EDS.[22]
What I cannot get my ahead around is that both EDS and Accenture would be the first to extol the virtues of good programme management, common sense project management, pragmatic change management and robust requirements management. They even have the nerve to sell this advice to their clients. If you are ever ‘fortunate’ enough to get a job interview as a management consultant with these guys the technical questioning is along the lines of proving you can avoid the pitfalls of programme failure by just doing the basics well. Yet why on earth did both these firms fail to follow their own advice? Maybe it’s just not profitable to practise what you preach. For any civil servants or MP reading this when dealing with the usual suspects always use outcome based agreements and never reward failure.

Finally, the 100 million went on a single payments system to pay farmers for growing too much and on an information system for keeping records on ex-convicts on probation. The money the farmers get is part of the 40 million we pay to the EU everyday. The money wasted on the probation service's new computer system is of little comfort to the families of the students murdered in New Cross by psychopaths who should have been in a secure facility.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZhy_VaYisU&feature=related&pos=0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNaY4xBiQp8&feature=related&pos=0

Contact Centres Eat Our Cash

2009-06-08T12:42:00.000-07:00

Contact centres are the staple offering from the outsourcing industry. As customers, we know they are always busy - but most of their work is waste. 20 to 60 per cent of all calls represent 'failure demand' - demand caused by a previous error. In telecoms, the police and local authorities, a staggering 80 or 90 per cent of calls occur because of the same failure to provide proper service the first time around. Shareholders and tax payers are paying for this waste.
Contact centres turn working class people into automatons. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZ-lJpL2oVg Contact centres are generally managed by those better educated than those who answer the phone. The UK has swapped life on an assembly line making useful stuff to life on an assembly line in a back office handling waste.

Get your revenge .... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5z4Vs26-TI&feature=related&pos=3

Office Emails

2009-05-20T07:16:00.001-07:00

Office e-mails are messages containing jokes and pictures. They are distributed because the workforce in our management factories is completely bored doing the pointless things delegated by the powers that be. Office emails tend to be a bit close to the knuckle. All the so called electronic age has done for the working classes is to swap a life of repetition on an assembly line to a life of repetition in the office. At the least on the assembly line you could take the piss out of everything without the PC police dragging your ass down to HR for a telling off.

Long live Rudolph Walker the PC brigade's and Nick Griffin's worst nightmare

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_Thy_Neighbour

Office Email : Local Government

2009-05-20T07:02:00.000-07:00

Office Email : RIP Kermit : I told him not to kiss his missus

2009-05-20T06:58:00.000-07:00

Hubris : Greek God of Management Consultants

2009-05-13T14:29:00.000-07:00

Over the next 4 years the UK government may 'notionally' spend 4 billion on management consultants. Sort of begs the question what do civil servants actually do. I know of one local authority that spent 20 million on expenses for consultants over a 12 month period. The amount of expensese paid to consultants in the public sector far outweighs that paid to MPs. An authority that is facing significant challenges in providing adequate children services and services for adults less fortunate than ourselves. 20 million would have made a significant difference to those particular services. In the late 90's the advisory industry never had it so good. The paranoia around y2k, the dot-com boom, Euro and massive investment in technology refresh programmes across the private sector. Problem is folks, the private sector got wise to the jargon spewing merchants of change. So the usual suspects turn their attention to the public sector.

K-Y-JEL-EE
Dolitte
Public Welcome Convenience
TBOTW - The Best of the Worst. Weak quasi-consulting quack house specialising in over-paying over-qualified unambitious grads to tap keyboards all day in awful provincial business parks, courting the contempt of real workers on site. Employs 100000 people worldwide

Dolitte were involved in the Barrings Bank scandal and the weak quasi-consulting quack house's audit cousin were involved in the farce of a company that was Enron. Years later the weak quasi-consulting house were involved in 2 significant failed implementations of IT across the public sector that wasted several million pounds of hard earned tax payer contributions. Both of these firms failed to follow their own advice and practises documented on their multi-million pound knowledge bases. Advice and practises they constantly try to flog to the public sector. That is not to say advisory firms have not made a difference. There are as many successes as there are failures and a root cause of failure lies in the inability of the public sector to manage these firms effectively. The problem with management consultants is their 'hubris'. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hubris). It constantly gets them into strife. You would not believe the craziness. I know of one so called training event in Amsterdam for a bunch of up and coming IT strategy consultants. On these sessions the group is split into teams and asked to work through a case study that normally culminates in a presentation at the end of the day. The thing about management consultants is that powerpoint to them is the equivalent of a light saber. A yoda level powerpointer uses animations, sounds, maintains eye contact with the audience and never ever looks at the projected image on the wall as the the slides are changing. So on the last day of the training course each group had to present its masterpiece to the other groups. One presenter was banging on about Enterprise Resource Planning and supply chain optimisation. The slide behind him changed projecting a 6ft image showing a woman performing a lewd oral act on a man unbeknown to the presenter because 30 people could see the slide and he couldn't. The following week most of the group ended up on major client engagements across Europe. I know Ive given the consultants a hard time but they are being used to their own detriment, which is not a good basis for a sustainable commercial organisation. The current use of management consultants dis-empowers our civil servants. Our front-line workers in the public sector take on the challenge not for the money but to make a difference. A management consultant working in the public sector gets paid significantly more and their primary motivation for being there is not for the good of the community. If it were they'd be working for the NHS, government etc. It is a monumental failure on the part of senior civil servants and our politicians not to listen to the public sector front-line then take forward repeated ideas because it came from a management consultant. Go and look at every consultant inspired initiative in the public sector and trace the chronology of the idea. What you will find at source is that some bright spark of civil servant or front line practitioner had the idea. However, poor management and leadership stifled it. So when some flash clever suited and booted articulate brain box with access to higher levels of senior management pitches the idea it gets the nod. It is no big surprise that when the consultants come to do the hard time i.e. the dreaded implementation they encounter resistance at the lower levels of the organisation. Combine this scenario with the over riding principle of a management consultant 'The client always takes responsibility for the change' and you might as well bet our income tax and council tax on a horse race. Coz the great thing about being powerless is that your are freed from any obligation to do anything to help yourself.

Check out the figures and impact on the public finances. Try using the Freedom of Information to find out about the return on your investment in management consultants. It's impossible and will cost you £600 if you try. Note how one neighbourhood in Britain is being turned into a police state so these firms can plough their trade. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHEkR8bfbPo

For guidance on how to manage the management consultants and outcome based agreements:

http://www.publicfinance.co.uk/features_details.cfm?News_id=28585

http://www.supplymanagement.com/EDIT/Top_stories_item.asp?id=19761

The Paperless Office

2009-04-27T06:56:00.000-07:00

Retailers in the UK spend a fortune on plastic bags. Plastic bags are everywhere. Just look in the hedgerows across our green and pleasant land. There is a massive procurement machine operating across our retailers who do nothing more than focus on buying plastic bags. You'd think they'd understand that competitive advantage could be acquired by buying less plastic bags. No instead the focus is on buying more plastic bags for less. They call it 'economies of scale'. Buying plastic bags does not encourage green working practises. Green working practises tend to be leaner. So we have enviromentally unfriendly procurement teams working for all the major retailers who think the answer is the paperless office in the back office. That is the extent of their innovation and contribution to the the green agenda. Right up to the late 90's most retailer's procure to pay processes for buying plastic bags were paper based. Paper orders, paper goods received notes, paper invoices, cardboard boxes to store all the paper and vans to take the card board boxes to archiving storage facilities. You know the buildings that take up enormous amounts of space while young families are crammed into our cities. The paperless office in a retail environment is the ulimate pointless gesture to indicate a committment towards sustainable development. Here is their real committment. Planes that transport food from 3rd world countries to our countrie creating a massive carbon foot print. The excessive amounts of packaging generating the need for incinerators near where people live. The tonnes of paper catalogues where on every page they encourage people to take out credit. Not to mention the zillion gallons of ink that has to be produced. Chemicals that generate tonnes of pollutants. Most large organisations operating across the FMCG sector have monolithic Head Office. Every so often their paperless offices have a 'chuck out your chimps day'. A metaphor for getting rid of the accumalated 'tatt'. Namely, reams of meaningless reports, stacks of industrial publications and glossy brochures from smaller companies trying to do business with larger companies. And so the cycle continues. The paperless office is a symbolic gesture to convince office based staff they are doing something valuable with their time. Paper on desks is the ultimate mis-representation of productivity in the modern day work-place. Why get rid of something that the guy responsible for your bonus uses as a visual cue to gauge your contribution? 20% of the world's population employed in the paperless office consume 80% of the world's resources. Behind this statistic is a multi billion pound marketing indsutry who want us to consume more for the sake of shareholder value. 80%of the world's population want what weve got. In the paperless office you are not there to talk about things that really matter. You are not encouraged to work in ways to help those less fortunate than ourselves. Our next door neigbours in the global village. The kids from areas of the world where Al Qaeda have no problem with recruitment. Check out life in the paperless office. The modern day workplace. Most of us live there and most of the USA's and UK's security budget is spent on protecting the infrastructure that houses it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzBy6agXKoA

Milk Round

2009-04-27T06:52:00.000-07:00

Every year the major banks recruit graduates. Apparently, the next generation of leaders in financial services are the ones with massive overdrafts. Hear about a bank's response to a question about how would you deal with a customer asking for an overdraft. Back in 1994 all the major high street banks were recruiting and conducting mass assessment centres. All potential Fred Goodwin wannabees (courtesy of their overdraft as it was the final year) had to complete the a 6 page application form. One particular brand of money grabbing parasiteness (small flys that swarm plus opposite of East) presented the applicant with a case study. The case study was along the lines of student asking for an overdraft and the applicant had to reply. Students in the final year are adept at plagiarism. One particular bright spark copied a letter he got from the same bank refusing an extension to his overdraft. The wording was particularly unhelpful considering only 4 years early the same bank were begging for their custom by being very polite and offer bribes in the formt of credit cards and overdrafts they knew the student could not afford. Several weeks passed and no invite to the pointless battery farm assessment centre. The one where bowls of corn appear on the desk every 30 questions on the IQ/EQ/spatial/verbal/numerical reasoning questions designed by some billy no mates intelligent person who had not had sex for 10 years. Upon phoning the bank's HR department to get some feedback. The applicant was told they were unsuccessful due to the content in their letter, which the bank felt was not customer friendly. Last I heard was the applicant got a job in Enron's credit control department. Dont lend money to people who cant pay it back! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhxMoH9N1K4

Fear My Rubber Chicken

2009-04-27T06:50:00.000-07:00

Never take a rubber chicken to work. Especially if you work in a large blue chip organisation.

The rubber chicken is the ultimate mascot for anything comedic (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubber_chicken). It represents being light hearted and not taking life seriously. You will find similar artifacts on the desks of most people who work in our offices like teddy bears, novelty toys and speaking cop cookie jars. I knew a guy who worked at the Head Office of one of the UK's top brands. At one point in the 90s this firm turned over 1 billion quid. Unfortunately, goods things don't last forever, which meant the inevitable series of tinkering around the edges org restructures. To lighten the mood my friend had a rubber chicken on his desk. However, in the spirit of the 'clearview bluesky thinking out the box strategic culture paradigm of inflection' initiative to recapture the company's spirit for success he was asked to remove it. Now, I'm all for change particularly change that changes leadership at the local level. The problem is that in times of corporate chaos you end up with little dictators in middle management fearful for the jobs. This particular manager's gripe was the rubber chicken on the desk. Negotiations were started to retain the presence of the rubber chicken in parallel with discussions about the waves of redundancies . The main argument to retain the services of the rubber chicken was that you could poor tequila into its back back passage, spread its legs and use the chicken in a drinking game. You know the ones you play when everyone in the IT department is hanging around late at night to see if a program works. (Other uses of the hole in the rubber chicken can be viewed @ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRGT34ORavw&feature=related). Regrettably, negotiations stalled and the power of the HR department was brought to bear. The counter argument from senior management was on the grounds of Health & Safety and efficiency as part of a clear desk policy. Union representation then intervened. A letter was written to HR demanding to know where in the employee contract it is was stated that a rubber chicken could not be present on the employee desk. HR then sort legal advice. The legal department had the rubber in the chicken tested for harmful chemicals. There were indeed small traces of hazardous
compounds, which could pose a theoretical environmental risk in the office. At a staff meeting with senior management and a board member to talk about the redundancy process the issue regarding the rubber chicken was on the agenda. Upon hearing about the rubber chicken the board member burst into laughter and said they had a rubber rat on their desk. Apparently, if you squeezed its balls it made a growling noise.

Watch the terror as 2 up and coming middle managers and a representative from the HR department with more time than sense encounter a rubber chicken.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzCSlpc_c0Y&feature=related

Microslop Project

2009-04-27T06:30:00.000-07:00

Microslop Project is a software tool with the mental powers greater than a jedi. This tool has the ability to convince a project manager everything will be alright. It makes people think things are under control when they are not. Worst of all it makes people think they have predicted the future. Microslop Project is the ultimate spin doctor playing on a project manager's perception filter. It tells you want you want to know. It feeds off ones confirmation bias. Those lovely lean blue lines making you think you've brought order to chaos. Finish to start planning only works if you are making stuff that has been made several zillion times. Finish to start is a constraint that wont deliver V1.new of anything that does not involve making stuff. Human beings working in the knowledge economy just dont do finish to start. Combined with using pockets of free time from business as usual resources and you've got yourself in a cat and mouse game with every other manager calling on the same resources. There are 4 dynamics that Microslop Project cannot help you with:

Parkinsons Law. The work always fits the time available;
Student syndrome. People always leave important boring stuff to the last minute;
The halo effect. Time poor people gravitate towards what they enjoy doing;
'But'. Is it going to be finished? Yes but. Everything before the word but is never true.

Important complicated things are ready when they want to be ready. People are not 'decimers'. (re : Blakes 7). http://www.cultv.co.uk/blakes7.htm

Blue Chip Fables

2009-04-27T05:57:00.000-07:00

I wanted to write about the stoopidnees that goes on in the corporate world. Real life experiences of the keystone capers going on in all those office buildings we walk by everyday. Unfortunately, I cannot name and shame the companies and organisations involved as most of them have a legal machine waiting to sue anyone for telling truth. The hardest part was coming up with a concept that encapsulated the whole thing. In the end I've decided to use Aesop's approach to story telling with something symbolising success in the corporate world hence the words 'blue chip'.

The word "fable" comes from the Latin "fabula" (a "story"), itself derived from "fari" ("to speak") with the -ula suffix that signifies "little": hence, a "little story". Though in its original sense "fable" denotes a brief, succinct story that is meant to impart a moral lesson, in a pejorative sense, a "fable" may be a deliberately invented or falsified account of an event or circumstance. A blue chip stock is the stock of a well-established company having stable earnings and no extensive liabilities. The term derives from casinos, where blue chips stand for counters of the highest value.[1]