Investment Bankers : Emperors New Clothes

One day, two Masters of the Universe went to the Emperor and promised him that they would sell him the greatest financial instrument ever. This derivative, they told him, was incomprehensible to anyone who was either stupid or unfit for his position. The Emperor could not understand the derivative, but pretended that he could for fear of appearing stupid; his financial advisors do the same. The Emperor then shows off the derivative to the market. The crowd in the market admires the complexity and depth of the financial instrument, until a small child cries out, “But it is worth nothing!”. www.mastersuniverse.net

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More Melons, 1.6 Million Tonnes of Wasted Food & Anti-social Behaviour

Co-op are a pretty decent company. They make more of an effort than their competitors where ethical business is concerned. http://www.co-operative.coop/ethicsinaction/sustainabilityreport/Ethical-Consumerism-Report/. I guess the message behind this story is about however hard companies like Co-op try at being responsible they just don't understand their role in the havoc we are seeing in our neighbourhoods. The result is stoopidnesss that even the most of creative abstract thinking satirist could never think up. I spotted the last melon. It just stood out in the fruit section hypnotised me and convinced me to stick it in the trolley. Got to the till and noticed there was a queue behind me. Disaster strikes. Apparently, the cashier cannot sell me the melon because there is no label on it. Something to do with EU law. I politely suggest searching for the code on till representing a melon. The code is a key to price information about the melon. These codes are either programmed locally into the till or downloaded from some computer hosted in a datacentre in the middle of nowhere. I offer 3 quid for the melon as some underage hoodies trying to buy booze start to get agitated. Now I'm screwed as the cashier has to call the manager using the ringer. Store managers are normally out back doing managerial stuff where you need them most. The 'outback' is usually outside the audible range of the ringer. The kind which is a black rectangular box with a white button and a single battery. While waiting I enquire about what will happen to the Melon if I cannot have it. The answer astounds me. It cannot go back on the shelf and will have to be thrown away. Retailers generate 1.6 million tonnes of food waste each year. Have they not heard of industrial ecology where one organisations waste is another's raw materials. Are the supermarkets aware of inter-generational equity i.e. leaving the planet in a reasonable state for the next generation? 1.6 million tonnes of food is enough to prevent a lot of children in the world suffering from malutrion and starvation. Now the hoodies are saying, 'Hurry up geezer'. I tell her to serve the Hoodies while the manager makes his from the 'outback'. Clearly, the Hoodies are under-age and very intimidating. The cashier does not ask for proof that they are over 21. I give up on the melon. Later that evening the Hoodies are hanging outside my house screaming obscenities and being sick. I call the non emergency number to ask the police to move them on. As its Friday night all the police in the city centre policing the night time economy. Pub prices are too high so everyone goes to the supermarket for cheap booze to get tanked up for the early evening. You know stuff like White Lightening brewed by Scottish Courage. A 3 litre bottle contains 22.5 units of alcohol (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=white+lightning). Next day I go to the papershop for the morning paper. NHS in the headlines again about the post code lottery for new types of drug treatments to offer hope. The cost to the NHS for dealing with the consequences of binge drinking is 40 billion a year. My car mirror has been snapped off and there are cans of Fosters and fast food wrappers on the pavements. There is also vomit on my back window tinged with the odour of piss in the air. The police never got my call when I called the contact centre using the non emergency number(SNEN). It was written down on a dispatch note on paper that never found its way to the person in the contact centre co-ordinating things with the police. Think the management consultants call this swivel chair integration. Allegedly, the investment in e-government and joined up working was meant to get rid of swivel chair integration. After all the local authority and police spent 100000s of tax payer cash on 800 quid a day CRM and information mangement consultants. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w41WcTCUY_Y

Henry Mintzberg : Managers Not MBAs & the Credit Crunch

In the early part of this century Henry Mintzberg a leading management thinker became very concerned about those who lapped up his every thought. The MBAers. A MBA is a Masters degree in Business Administration seen as the defacto qualification to elevate you up the corporate greasy pole. Where you study your MBA determines the kind of corporate doors you can unlock. The golden ticket is a Harvard MBA. A Harvard MBA will guarantee you a place in the upper echelons of power whether it be government, industry, investment banking or management consultancy. Prior to the credit crunch Mintzberg spoke about MBA courses of study instilling a sense of hubris in those destined for a career in the investment banking sector. Mintzberg argues compellingly that this has had a corrupting and dehumanizing effect not just on the practice of management, but also on our business, non-profit and community organizations, and even our social and cultural institutions. I just wonder how many of those bankers and consultants whose ways of working led to the credit crunch had MBAs. We will probably never know. What is evident is their management training may have led them to act in a way that has probably limited the life chances of those at the bottom of the social mobility ladder. Did Henry Mintzberg spot something worrying in the behaviour, conditioning and beliefs held by the next generation of managers that led to the credit crunch? All you MBA alumni judge for yourself and all you wannabee MBAers reflect. http://mitworld.mit.edu/video/302/

Melons

I love melons. No, not the kind in magazines Mary Whitehouse hates. Healthy juicy Honeydew, Galia and Water melons. You can do loads with a Melon. 5 years ago I was invited to a penthouse in Canary Wharf to a houseparty. It was full of high powered thinkers who worked in the Square Mile. You know the ones who now have jobs as a result of being bailed out with tax payers cash. The host had soaked a load of Water Melons with vodka. The illuminating thing about the night was watching the Square Milers gorge themselves on vodka soaked water melon. Water melon is not something you should gorge on as it drips everywhere. Over dosing on something soaked in vodka is generally not a good idea. The thing about pre-credit crunch Square Milers is they get increasingly cynical about those less fortunate than themselves as they get drunker. Square Milers who gorge on melons, get pissed on vodka and slag off the rest of us need some of this! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7FpZJUw6RYQ

Audit Commission : In denial?

Below is a link detailing an illuminating debate between Seddon and Walker from Audit Commission. The most surprising aspect of the debate is that most of the people commentating in general agreement with Seddon look like they are from the public sector. The Audit Commission is a classic example of command and control thinking. Why is the Audit Commission not listening? Why do central government, quangos and local government leadership refuse to listen to the front-line? Read the article and judge for yourself.

http://www.lgcplus.com/finance-and-partnership/walker-v-seddon-the-debate-goes-on/5004313.article

Loopy Lou Citizen Centric CRM & Refuse Collection

Local Government has been pretty sharp on the uptake of customer relationship management. The single one stop shop is common place. This particular story illuminates one particular local authority's approach to encouraging is council tax payers to use the contact centre. One of the biggest sources of call volume is what is know in the trade as street scene. A main cause of call volume are the antics and working practises of the waste management department:

• 'My bin was not emptied'.
• 'They've left the bin in the middle of the road and I cant put it back'.
• 'They wont empty my bin because the lid was not closed properly'.

Instead of getting the bin men to change the way they work and be a bit more flexible the answer is more investment in call centres to explain why bin men wont do what they used to do. So what was the initial experience of users when they called the call centre?

The council had not communicated to its tax payers the number to call if they had queries about bin collections etc. As a result callers did what they have always done either phoned the old number or contacted the waste management department direct. The person answering the phone could answer their question but a policy decision was made to instruct the caller to use the contact centre. Just to be sure the council changed the employee's contract to discourage them from answering a question they could answer from a tax payer.

Step 1 Upon calling the contact centre the caller had to explain for a second time their requirements or concerns.

Step 2 The call centre assistant raised a case that was to be work-flowed to the waste management department. Unfortunately, the spanking new CRM system did not talk the waste management computer system. So the waste management department employed someone to manually allocate the calls and keep the CRM system up to date. The result was that some cases got lost.

Step 3 Callers with cases that got lost phoned back to chase. Some had forgotten the 10 digit modulus 11 quadratic reference number they were given. So the call centre assistant promised to look into it then phone back.

Step 4 In frustration callers contacted the waste management department direct. Goto Step 1.

Our bin men do a vital and important job, which has more social purpose than working in a call centre divorced from reality. Bin men should be paid more instead of using the money to staff call centres who just apologise for poor service and record information. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSbz5SgES-4&feature=fvw

The Rise of Fascism & the Bloated Quangos

In the last local elections 900000 people in the UK voted for the BNP and their are sections of the UK muslim community sympathetic to the cause of Al Qaeda. The BNP & the likes of Fascist zealots Anjim Choudry & Abu Izzadeen (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTZJh-SYRSg, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uv704B93EZU&feature=related) present the biggest threat to community relations than any other politcal or idealogical movement. Why did 900000 people vote for the BNP and why do sections of the UK muslim community sympathise with Al Qeada? Because they make promises they are unable to deliver upon.

• The UK government is soft on crime the BNP will be hard on criminals. How?
• Immigrants are taking all the jobs. The BNP will repatriate all the immigrants and give those jobs to the 2.7 million unemployed. Assuming the 2.7 million want to do those difficult and very important jobs that immigrants seem more able and willing to do.
• The BNP will make us more secure by bringing home the troops. Why does bringing home the troops make us more secure? Surely, putting in place health, education and economic opportunities for women and the poor is betting than letting Sharia law and Jihadists flourish.
• A sharia state can be established in the UK. How? Do the likes of Anjim and Izzadeen not know that just like the mujahadeen in Afghanistan the British people have always challenged, fought and beat fascist oppressors.

So as the tax payer we invest in the Commission for Racial Equality and Commission for Human Rights to try and marginalise the extremists. Their response to the rise of fascism is to protect their own self interest. Trevor Philips and Nicola Brewer must do more to challenge the BNP, discourage sharia law and champion rights for the victims of crime instead of wasting their time making videos on youtube to show off their offices. Being to soft on criminals, tolerating public sector inefficiency, encouraging +ve discrimination and just monitoring anti social behaviour in our local communities is fuelling a move towards nihilism whether the kind advocated by the BNP, gang culture or Al Qaeda. The quangos headed by Trevor Philips and Nicola Brewer are not doing enough with the money we have given them to stop the rise of Fascism and inequality. The Fascists will be laughing their heads off at our response to their plans to cause chaos. Trevor looks so bored talking about his sofa and Nicola thinks she is running a corporate business.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qTWgvofoA4&feature=channel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A6xxNO5EtWk&feature=channel

Liberata : Top of the BPO Flops

They quote 'Liberata is one of the UK’s leading providers of outsourced business processes. With over 2,500 employees across more than 20 UK locations, Liberata improves, streamlines and simplifies complex operational processes, with a strong commitment to delivering ‘Value for Money’ to its clients and to making a contribution to the communities within which it works.' All sounds perfectly reasonable and common sense....


(1) Learning Skills Council - Education Maintenance Allowance

Computer problems delayed payments to 150000 students. The grant is their to help those less economically well off than their overpaid consultants and executives funded by the tax payer. The Learning Skills Council is one of the biggest quangos in the UK funded by the tax payer and what did they do to penalise Liberata? Nothing. Not even a fine.


(2) Life and Pensions

The Financial Services Authority fined Liberata £525,000 - more than 10% of the company's profit in the last financial year - after failures in its systems and controls meant policyholders did not receive documentation on their investments. The FSA are another quango funded by the tax payer. The FSA fines outsourcers if they do not maintain effective systems and controls to mitigate the risk of fraud. Did the FSA give us back the 525k? No. Why are the FSA not applying the same stringent monitoring in the Square Mile that has left teh public sector out of pocket for the next 15 years?


(3) Southwark

http://www.southwarklabour.co.uk/labour_call_for_urgent_review_of_tax_collection_contract

Southwark Labour’s resources spokesman, Cllr Richard Livingstone said:

“Liberata have underperformed in Southwark for years. Their pathetic legacy has cost the council hundreds of thousands of pounds in uncollected council tax, which could have been used to keep the price of meals on wheels down for Southwark’s vulnerable residents or the Livesey Children’s Museum open. At the beginning of the year we argued that it was time for the Lib Dem/Tory coalition to sack Liberata but our calls were ignored.

“Since April the contractor’s performance hasn’t improved in Southwark and their current financial troubles, which has been caused by their own incompetence nationally, means that is highly unlikely that they will be able to improve. My worry is that faced with a massive blackhole in their finances they’ll strip back spending on staff and other resources, and that council tax collection rates in Southwark will fall through the floor as a result.

“The Lib Dem/Tory coalition needs to look at ways of bringing council tax collection back in-house. The situation that’s existed for the past few years, where the council has paid out millions of pounds to a private company which hasn’t done its job, is ridiculous. Croydon Council, which took its council tax collection service back in-house from Liberata in 2004, has steadily improved its collection rates and has just had its best year’s performance. We believe that Southwark can do the same.”


Given the above what does a key central government the department Culture, Media and Sprt go and do... http://www.liberata.com/general.php?id_gen=66&id_news=54

Local Government Busy Doing Nothing & Costing 600 Million a Year

There are 1000s of people in this video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISKNMCaA5GQ) who work in local government but dont actually do anything that a tax payer would recognise as a value added service. People like this tend to be paid a lot more than the front-line workers doing the real work that leads to social improvement. Those in non jobs have lots of time on their hands so they have to come up with things to do. There mere presence creates cynicism about local government http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkxVegST9tA. Non jobbers waste our time and make life tedious http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SEtzYRecEQ&feature=related. Non Jobbers come up with complicated words you find in local government reports then launch a website telling everyone not to use them www.lga.gov.uk/lga/core/page.do?pageId=1716341. Those in non jobs have to have personal assistants because they are really busy. When you do want to see them to talk about something important you cant get in their diary because they are always really busy. Probably at meetings talking about why the average days sickness taken by a front line worker in social care is greater than 15 days per year. They cant figure it out so lets get a load of management consultants in to tell us what to do. The bloody reason why social workers and teachers go on the sick alot is because of under resourcing and filling out all the forms designed by people with non jobs in the public sector.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgy40jpuTMM

BT : Calls Maybe Recorded For Training Purposes

It never fails to amaze me how people come up with simple ways to rip each other off. The most simple of cons tend to use services and facilities offered by large companies. In particular telecom firms. These firms have really cool tools to block numbers and pin point where you are using satelites. Yet can they spot if there service is being used in a con? Not if being unwittingly complicit makes them a bit of profit. British Telecom are the worst. They let people create high premium telephone numbers that nobody is going to deliberately phone these numbers unless hoodwinked in some way. There are people out there who require self service 'light relief' on the promise of some sexy voice saying saucy things down the phone. However, £1.50 a minute to hear a women going on about pulling carrots out of the ground aint cricket. BT don't give a poop because they are making money from the silliness. Look what BT say about themselves yet make money by encouraging people to masturbate on the phone.

"We want to be known as a responsible business that is making a difference to some of the global challenges society faces. We want to be known as an innovative business that is developing solutions that benefit society while supporting long-term growth, creating competitive advantage and building successful relationships with our stakeholders. "

BT are voyeurs, dont give a stuff about you privacy, rights, data protection, liars, spies and dont understand simple questions.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgZjeckpUXY